If you are a business owner or entrepreneur or even jockeying for your next promotion, you know the value of mastering sales. Unfortunately, many of the sales training systems available are developed by men and do not naturally fit a woman’s style. In this episode, Rob interviews Debi about her experience in sales and how …
Have you ever felt that your lack of confidence stops you from getting what you want in life? Have you been labeled with “low self-esteem” or being needy and want to fix that part of yourself. Listen to this quick video by Debi Berndt Maldonado where she explains the truth about confidence and how you can have it right now without having to fix yourself.
That’s really interesting when I talk about– When I first started in my personal development journey, I was labeled having low self-esteem. I was trying to diagnose, what was wrong with me, why did I feel so unhappy with my life? Why couldn’t I find relationships? Why didn’t I have the career I wanted? Why did I have the bosses I had? It all came down to, “You have low self-esteem.” For most of my young adult life, I was really trying to build up my self-esteem, and a lot of personal development is about building confidence.
Here’s the thing, most people think that making an ego and making your personality more confident and appealing to people is the key, but what we’re really doing is putting on a mask. We’re not really feeling confident inside, we’re acting confident. That whole idea of the imposter syndrome, that’s where it really comes from, because we feel like we can’t be ourselves, we can’t be vulnerable, we have to put on this confident air in order to get the things we want in life. I think it puts too much pressure on people to be this perfection. What I’ve discovered is true confidence is having confidence in your higher self to guide you.
That you can be a complete wreck around people who love you, you can be insecure, you can be needy, you could be emotional and feel low self-esteem and people will still love you and know that that’s not all of who you are. It’s about embracing that low self-esteem, embracing those little insecure parts of ourselves that really give us true confidence. Really it’s the hardest thing to do, most people– It’s really scary we’re not taught or conditioned to be so revealing about ourselves. I found that even around you when we were first starting to date, when I was really honest and vulnerable and scared, you had told me once, “I really feel closer to you now.”
I think that’s the key is that people could smell when you are hiding your insecurity. What’s most endearing is that when you’re open and yourself and that makes people want to be close to you. True confidence is loving all parts of yourself, it’s loving the parts that you’re really good and your strengths, and also loving all the things that aren’t so pleasing sometimes, that if you love all those parts of yourself, you’ll find that you’ll surround yourself with people who love all those parts too. It makes you feel more relaxed in life and the pressure’s off.
That’s my take on true confidence. When you think about the higher self, it can never be harmed, it can never be insecure, it can never be wounded. The only thing that feels that way is the ego. If we transcend it and access that wonderful part of our minds that’s divine and express the divine woman, we never have to worry about those insecure times because we know that’s not really what defines us.
Watch this video if you want to get unstuck in life and can’t consciously figure out what was going wrong. When you do not reach your goals, something internal is in the way. Dr. Rob and I share the ancient wisdom of the GUNAS, the three qualities that you bring to every action. The Bhagavad Gita explains that there are three levels of being. You can look at how your actions are being directed through emotion and make the changes you need to get unstuck.
Find out how to reach great success by following these simple instructions. Are you feeling uninspired and have low energy? Do you feel you are always running non-stop and never resting? Are you feeling clear about what you want and what actions you should take? Do you understand your real purpose?
This is how anyone can gain momentum when stuck in life, using by using the power of emotion. If you want to go deeper and master this process, sign up for a free shadow (get unstuck) session with one of our coaches and get started on changing your life today!
Debi: Hi, this is Debi and Rob Rob. We’re here because we want to teach you a little something that may help you if you’re feeling stuck. A lot of people, they’re trying to make things happen in their life and they hit a wall, and they just don’t know what they’re doing wrong. We hope that this will help clarify-
Dr. Rob: Absolutely.
Debi: -maybe what you’re doing.
Rob: Yes, it’s simple psychology from the Bhagavad Gita. If you haven’t read the Gita, look it up. It’s an incredible book. These three modes of nature, they’re called the gunas.
Debi: The gunas.
Debi: We teach this to our clients all the time and they love it really.
Rob: It’s a funny word. It’s Sanskrit obviously, but what it means is qualities. It’s qualities of the nature. Now they also translate as to qualities of the mind, meaning what state of mind are you in.
Debi: Yes. A lot of people have a busy mind. Some people want to have a calm mind. The gunas is really a great way. Even emotional mood.
Rob: Yes, absolutely.
Debi: We can really talk about. Let’s begin. The gunas, there’s three levels.
Rob: Three levels. The first one is Tamas, and that translates as inertia.
Rob: Meaning there’s a heaviness, solidity to your mindset. Maybe when you feel lethargic, not a lot of movement and not a lot of energy. You’re in Tamas.
Debi: If you think about that Tamas is I think about a spiral. The Tamas is like you’re spiraling down. There’s days where maybe you’re sick. You get a cold and you want to be down. You’re exhausted. You want to take a bath and watch Netflix-
Debi: -all day. [laughs]
Rob: We’ve all been there.
Debi: Yes. [laughs] The end of the day at work, you can go into a Tamas state of mind. It’s that lower inertia. Not a lot energy, right before you go to sleep. It’s just like a [unintelligible 00:02:04]
Debi: You’re just that [laughs] very uninspired place almost.
Rob: Yes, that’s a good way to put it. Yes. Yes. The second one-
Debi: The second level.
Rob: -going up a word is Rajas. Rajas simply translates as passion and action. You think about the crimes of passion, obviously.
Rob: It’s that taking action, but you’re chasing your tail. You’re busy, busy doing a lot of things but not really focused and not really getting the results that you want.
Debi: If you think of the Tamas and the Rajas, that’s where actually I would say 99% of the people-
Debi: -in the world operate. They go to work. They rush, rush, rush. They’re suffering traffic. They’re picking up their kids. They’re trying to make it in the business world. They’re studying or whatever and then they get exhausted. In the weekends, they just go into Tamas and then again they go back.
Rob: [laughs] Chill out.
Debi: Then think of it as trying to build their business. If you’re trying to build the business or you’re trying to succeed in the world. It just feels you never stop, but you’re passionate, you’re acting, but it’s not Tamas where you’re just exhausted. What happens is after a while you can’t keep it up anymore. Then you need Tamas to recharge. It’s almost we need to sleep at night, but Tamas isn’t sleep. Tamas is just, “Okay, I need to just recharge.”
If you actually never go into Tamas, if you just stay at Rajas all the time, you can actually get ill. It affects your body. People have ulcers. They have heart attacks. [laughs] It’s really can be really hard on your body and your mind. You just don’t have that peace of mind. What I see is people, they feel loss of energy, and then they get inspired, they take a lot of action and then what happens is they don’t get the results fast enough. Then they just go back in Tamas. I see this with people trying to date, and then people trying to build a business, people trying to lose weight and they’re trying to do that. Then all the sudden, they stop.
Rob: Right. If you think about Rajas, most of the world like I said is really based on Rajas. Everything created, like the buildings, the cars, and then all the movement that happens in modern world, that’s Rajas. Nothing wrong with it. Obviously, it gives us the material abundance and the creativity that goes on. There’s a third level to the gunas that is really ideal for creativity for the kind of things that we want to create and that’s Sattva. It translates as clarity of mind. That clarity of mind gives you that ability to envision what you want and to stay focused in a clear way. Yes. How have you experienced-
Rob: -the Sattva?
Debi: I like it. Well, it’s really funny because I’m a very, as you know, Rajas person. I’m very passionate. I’m from New Jersey. I got the East Coast Drive. What I notice is that when I’m running and running and running, it’s not as effective after a while. It’s good to get things going, but if I’m not clear, I’m just moving a lot of things. I call it rearranging the furniture. You’e just moving a lot of things.
The sattvic mind is when you just realize who you really are. You realize that you’re a higher self, that connection to your divine intelligence. I think Rajas and Tamas, the lower levels, you’re really in ego. You’re just trying to get things. You’re trying to acquire things. You feel separate from the world. Sattva is really where you feel this oneness and connection. It’s flowing. A lot of people call it being in the flow.
Rob: Right. It’s where people talk about, when they talk about being in the alpha state, in the meditative contemplative of state, but they’re fully aware and awake. It’s not a sleepy state. That would be back in Tamas. It’s a mind of clarity, but alert. Most meditative techniques, that’s what they’re trying to get you to do. They’re trying to get you to create a mind of Sattva so that you can see clearly.That you can think clearly, understand clearly, and focus your attention, your action on the things that you need to create.
Debi: One important thing, I remember when I was doing my spiritual work in my beginning years, I used to think that I just want to be in this clear, bubbly, love state. A lot of people think that’s all you need, and then everything just going to flow to you. You still need action.
Debi: We want to look all these levels as if they’re all happening, but one predominates.
Debi: You’re still going to have a little groundedness. Tamas gives us that groundedness. It’s almost the solid ground that we are at. The raw passion. It can really get us moving, get us excited about life and taking action. Action’s really important. The sattvic mind carries us and makes the right action, the right direction. It’s less attached. It’s less fearful. It’s less stressful. It’s this flow. You need all three.
I think one of the biggest mistakes is that people think, “Just be in that clear mind, and meditate, and then everything is going to show up for me.” You have to have action. You have to have the groundedness as well. You need a time to recharge as well. Tamas isn’t bad to recharge, but some people stay stuck there, and then some people say stuck in that going mode. Then they just get exhausted and fall into Tamas. What you want to do is consciously enter these states, and use them for yourself versus letting yourself go to an autopilot and be driven by those states.
Rob: Absolutely. Yes. The idea in the Gita is that these are qualities in nature, but of course our mind, our brain is designed from nature and therefore these qualities include our mental states. The more you can identify them and practice creating them at will, the better off you are, obviously.
Debi: You know what would be a good metaphor for these three states is water. It has the quality that Tamas is a frozen quality. It’s stiff. The water is frozen. The Rajas is the moving water just like the ocean, and the waves. The Sattva is like the steam, that when the water evaporates, it becomes really light molecules. It’s like the denseness of the Tamas is great, and then the movement of the water, but then it also has that quality. The water doesn’t change itself. We are the pure self. That’s who we are. It’s just where we’re embodying, how are we channeling our true self in our lives.
Rob: Absolutely. Think about this qualities as you go through your day. Are you acting out of that drive to act without a clear vision? That’s Rajas. In that state, Rajas is predominating. There’s nothing wrong when you have deadlines and when you need to get things done, but you want to back up a little back bit and say, “Can I take action from a sattvic mind or a more tranquil clear mind?”
Debi: A good question would be, what is the urgency? When you feel yourself getting caught up, just ask yourself, “What is this urgency? What am I running from?” Because in Rajas you’tr kind of running from something. You could either be being in action towards something, or you can be in action running from something. Most of the time people are trying to make money and they’re running from lack of money. Or they’re trying to find love but coming from lack of love. The sattvic mind is, “I’m going to take action. I’m passionate about it because I’m going to have it.”
There’s no fear in it. It’s almost like, “I’m going after, and going out, and getting it.” Again, if you’re stuck, I want you to think about, “Which level am I operating in? Am I just not doing anything? Or am I rushing to get things done? Or how can I cultivate the sattvic mind?”
Debi: A great way is to ask yourself, “What’s that urgency? What’s driving me?” If you’re in Tamas, the great question is, “Is there an urgency?” Like, “What is my passion? What I am passionate about?” You know what else is a good thing that you teach as well which I love, is that you can’t go from that inertia to Sattva. You’d always say that.
Debi: If someone’s in the Tamas inertia place, what would be the best thing for them to–?
Rob: The idea’s you need to go a stepwise upward movement, so the next level would be Rajas. The way to do that, if you’re stuck in a Tamic pattern, meaning there’s not a lot of energy in your life, not a lot of movement, not a lot of things happening, you can’t jump to that Sattvic clear mind right away. You have to go to creating reachable goals for yourself.
Debi: Small attainable goals?
Debi: Small steps. Kind of like getting it moving, getting yourself moving again, and then you can move up to the Sattvic, but you can’t jump from nothing to clarity. I actually think the Rajas state is really good to cleanse ourselves from the heaviness of life. It’s kind of a purification that happens and helps us let go with that attachment, so we can have the things we want. The only reason we don’t have the things we want is because we don’t believe we can have them. When you’re in that Sattvic mind, that clear mind, you’ll have that certainty that you are creating your life.
Debi: That’s really where we need to go. I hope you enjoyed. This is really a great topic. There’s so much we could teach you about it, but just a small bite of getting you started on where you’re at, and how to get unstuck in your life. For more information, come to our website at debianddrrob.com and get some more free tips on how to live the best life you can.
Rob: See you next time.
Debi: Take care.
[00:12:53] [END OF AUDIO]
Have you tried to become a better person, gain confidence or fix your past to create a new future but feel stuck? The problem isn’t what you are doing but “who” you are working on. In this video, Debi and Dr. Rob explain that too many people get stuck in personal development trying to fix …
Debi and Dr. Rob answer your questions by the fire. Watch this video where we answer the question: “How Do I Find My Own Power?” The key to discovering your own power is to look within. So many people give their power away to money, relationships and needing approval and their sense of security is …