We all have experienced those states where our mind goes off on a tangent, spins out of control, sturs up our emotions and then a few moments and sometimes a few days later we awaken from the fog and see the situation more clearly.
Debra Maldonado talks about ‘animus’ in a woman as defined by Jungian Psychology, how it affects women’s thought processes, and how we as women can integrate our emotions into having empowered relationships.
The anima and animus are described in Carl Jung’s school of analytical psychology as part of his theory of the collective unconscious. Jung described the animus as the unconscious masculine side of a woman, and the anima as the unconscious feminine side of a man, with each transcending the personal psyche.
Do you call yourself an expert in your career and feel like an imposter? In this video, Debi describes the Imposter Syndrome and how having it is actually a good sign. She explains the psychology of creating an Expert Persona based on Jungian psychology and the shadow that it casts and creates problems in your business. This video can help you understand why you feel so stressed and overly concerned about keeping up with everyone else on social media, why you never feel like you are enough and how to transcend the ego to create your business and life from your true self.
TRANSCRIPT OF VIDEO:
Hi, this is Debi Maldonado of the Academy of Jungian Spiritual Psychology, where we provide the highest level of training for coaches and for women leaders, to reach their full potential, based on Jungian psychology. Now I wanted to talk today about the impostor syndrome and why it’s actually a good thing to have it, and it’s actually very normal, and if those of you who don’t know what it is, the impostor syndrome is this feeling that the person that everyone thinks we are is really not who we are.
No matter how much success you reached. Maybe you have other people adoring you, maybe you’re a celebrity, or maybe you are putting yourself out there as an expert, but secretly struggling in your business and you’re supposed to be this great business coach or this great business leader and you’re personally struggling with your business and you’re hoping that no-one finds out what a mess you really are inside, that is the impostor syndrome.
It really is created, if you look at Jungian psychology and his idea of the shadow, now if you don’t know that, I’m going to explain to you that when you create a persona or a mask that you put out into the world for people to interact with, if you put yourself out there on your website or on social media as an expert, what happens is the persona takes on one role and the opposite goes into the shadow or goes underneath, undercover, and it becomes the things about us that we deny or we push away.
If you identify with yourself as an expert, you automatically put in your shadow the non-expert, the novice, the incompetent, the failure, and so everything that you do to uphold your success, if you’re tied to that idea of “I’m the expert,” you will be also using all your energy to make sure no-one no-one no-one ever sees you as a failure.
Now imagine how much pressure that puts on you. How much, maybe, you work harder than you need to or how you feel dissatisfied no matter how much success you get. It’s because the shadow, this unconscious part of you that you keep pushing away, keeps telling you, you’re not that great, you could be doing better, if you worked harder you could be at her level now, or every time someone, maybe, gives you a criticism or feels that you’re not helping them, you really take it to heart and want to fix it.
All that is so draining and emotionally exhausting, to keep that idea up, now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t put yourself out there as an expert, I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying that you have to stop identifying your ego with that marketing persona. When we create a marketing persona and a brand identity we have to remember it’s an act. It’s not who we really are, it’s something we’re performing to put out there, like Lady Gaga has her little makeup and her crazy clothes that she used to wear, as her persona, but it wasn’t really who she was.
The way she was able to really change and grow and develop as an artist is because she didn’t get attached to that persona. She knew it was a game, but most of us, when we are first starting out, were told, you have to be the expert, you have to act like the expert and we tend to get have an inflated ego around it, and believe me, in the personal development field there’s a lot of inflated egos and I’m also saying this from personal experience. I too got caught up in that idea that it always have to be the expert, I have to have all the answers, I have to know it all, and that was completely exhausting for me, and it was never enough.
What’s the antidote, how do we escape the shadow, and how do we create from a different place. Well, first of all you have to use know that you are not the ego, and that the ego is just a conditioned idea of this personal little I that we were born into. Part of our conditioning. It’s our survival mind and it’s basically what, I’d say most of the people on the planet are actually operating from, but there’s another part of you.
If you really pay attention, there’s another part that’s the witness. It’s this other consciousness that’s within us that is not the thinker, it’s actually watching the thinker, and that’s really our true self. It’s untouched by this world. It doesn’t care if everyone thinks we’re an expert, or if we had a great six figure month, or if our book became a bestseller. It loves us and it’s just so excepting and unlimited to what’s possible.
What we want to do is step more into that part of our minds, because that part of our mind when we stop operating from that conditioning survival mind and keeping up with everyone else and making sure we look good to everyone else, we end up creating something really bigger than we thought we could, and there really is no persona that can match the grandness of who you are. If you settle for just being an expert, let me tell you, that is a low bar because you are really capable of so much more. You are an unlimited conscious being.
You have to remember that the true nature of who you are is that. Just notice, every time you get caught up with getting a bad review, or an email from a client that triggers you, or when your friend, who started her business the same time as you, is doing better than you financially, and you’re wondering why you’re not doing as well as she is, remember you’re caught up in that impostor syndrome, that persona of being the expert and creating its opposite.
Another quick tip is actually going toward that fear of being incompetent, of being the novice. What is so bad about that? Why are you running away from it? Why is it such a terrible thing? I promise if you just sit with it and watch that emotion arise and listen to the stories, you’re going to realize how much this is run your life and your business.
If this sounds really interesting for you to transcend the ego and really step into your power, I invite you to check out our new events called Alchemy, where I will personally take you through a way to access the deeper aspects of who you are through the four feminine archetypes to bring you to a greater version of yourself besides just the brand expert, something even more profound that’s aligned with your higher mission here, and that will bring you more success and more abundance than you can even imagine.
Come to our website at Debbie and Dr Rob.com and find out more about our event called Alchemy, and apply today to be a part of the magic, this is Debbie Maldonado, remember to believe in yourself and not the label that you put out there and know that you are capable of infinite possibilities. Take care.
The women’s empowerment movement has encouraged many females to step forward and become leaders in the world. The way she can really make a lasting difference is to make the change in her own mind first rather than fighting the world. If you are hiding out, afraid to make waves, this is the episode you have been waiting for to get out and make a difference.
In this episode, Debi describes:
the Four Feminine Archetypes based on Jungian Psychology and how they influence a woman’s life.
how to cultivate the strength and courage to go for your dreams using the power of the Warrior Archetype
the key to making social change
how angry protester is not as effective as someone who is inspiring others
how to integrate the Warrior archetype for women that isn’t based on old masculine models
Interviewer: Welcome back to the Debi and Dr. Rob Show.
Interviewer: Today I’m interviewing Debi because we usually don’t get to talk about what we’ve been working on individually. I know you’ve been working on publishing in Inc. magazine. Congratulations on that. As well as empowering women and developing programs to empower women.
One of the most interesting things that has come out of your work is this idea of the feminine archetypes and how to use them in empowering women. I thought I’d ask you a couple of questions on that.
Debi: Okay, sounds good.
Interviewer: First of all, what are the four feminine archetypes?
Debi: The four feminine archetypes– I’ve done a lot of research with Jung’s who are working some of the other psychologists that have studied under Jung, the women that have worked with Jung, and out of all the reading I’ve done, the four that I think are the most important and primary are the warrior, the lover, the mother, and the priestess.
The warrior represents our willingness to make social change. The lover is our sense of pleasures, including relationships and food and enjoying life and experiencing the sensuality of life. The mother is the nurturing and creative aspect in ourselves to create life and also to nurture it and cultivate it. Then the high priestess is really our spiritual nature, our divine nature, our devotional nature.
I think if you look at women, and the four, is makes the self, which is the wholeness. That’s why I picked four, and I think those four, whatever you experience in life as a woman, whatever challenges you have, you can go to these four and you’ll find the answers.
Interviewer: It covers a lot of ground. Now, for those not familiar with Jung’s work, what is an archetype?
Debi: I think of an archetype, and he describes it, I’m not paraphrasing him, but I see it as a universal template. We have in our life, our conscious life our personal experience, and we have personal patterns and conditioning that we’ve gotten over our lifetime how to react, how to behave, what makes up our personality based on our personal experience. Jung believed that there’s a deeper level to our unconscious beside just our personal unconscious, our personal experiences, interactions with the knocks in and pulls of life that there’s actually a deeper nature to us which is the collective unconscious.
The collective unconscious is organized in archetypes. There’s archetypes for everything, and it’s basically the matrix of what creates reality. Like we talk about the mother archetype, everything has a mother. Even a plant has a mother, there’s a mother plant. It’s an idea that you can’t really see directly, but you see the pattern everywhere and you see the symbols everywhere and you’re like, “Oh yes.”
If you think about movies, just watching a movie, all the characters in the movies, if you look at a bunch of movies, I love movies, so I see them all the time. You see that there’s always the villain, there’s the warrior in the movie, the mother character, and the movie itself has an archetypal pattern to it as well. Even the trajectory of the movie has a pattern into it. We live in this patterns, and it’s just really how we create our life.
Interviewer: Just for the sake of brevity and time wise-
Debi: I can’t go on forever?
Interviewer: Let’s talk one of these. My favorite is the warrior, the most intriguing one, anyway.
Debi: Yes, the warrior to me in this time is most important because a lot of women are stepping into their power. More and more women are starting their own businesses. It’s actually the fastest growing segment in entrepreneurship are women. More women are actually graduating college than men now. Women are not just staying home and having babies anymore, they’re actually feeling that they have a purpose and a mission in life and a career. There’s also they have to interact with this world which is very driven by men and masculine ideas. I see the warrior as not as a fighting the world, but as almost like breaking through the barriers and the conflicts within themselves that are stopping them from expressing who they are.
It’s not about going out and slaying the dragon. It’s going in and saying, “Why do I have this dragon in the first place? It’s not real, okay, let me move on.” It’s more of an internal wrestling with ourselves, an internal battle. Then when that internal battle is not realized internally, it shows up externally. It’s about moving people inside.
I think that women, if they’re not conscious of this warrior archetype, what will happen is that they’ll tend to pull back, they’ll tend to not take a lot of action in their life. They’ll be very risk averse. They’ll avoid conflict. They’ll not want to make waves. If they’re in a marriage and they have kids and these expectations of them of playing a role and they want to do something else, there’ll be a conflict within them and they tend to want to just stay in their comfort zone. The warrior is about a woman’s ability to break free off their comfort zone.
Of course… men have this too, but for a woman, it’s just a different process.
Interviewer: All right. Let’s say this archetype remains unconscious in the woman, what happens to her?
Debi: She becomes very angry, which she might never be conscious of it, and that anger gets projected out there. She sees a lot of frustration. Then when she does, it shall maybe fly off the handle, or she’ll get very depressed because it’s the energy that she’s been sitting on and she’s not using. We all have a natural process Jung has said that we’re all drawn to individuation, we’re all drawn to move outside of that comfort zone. If we don’t, we start to feel either really depressed or pissed off at the world and we’re staying, “These people are stopping me from doing what I want to do. It will feel as though the problem is external.
Embracing the warrior archetype is having this idea that you’re the battles within, and how do I get the strength, the courage and cultivating that risk in life to be willing to make mistakes, be willing to fall on your face and look like a fool for what you love. That idea that something you’re willing to die for and to make a change in your life until you see people that are really making social change have embodied that warrior archetype, unless they’re very angry.
You’ll see a difference with a protestor who’s really angry and upset and feeling frustrated, or someone who’s very inspirational and is lifting the world up. The warrior is someone who’s saying, “Let’s all get together. Let’s all make the world a better place.” Not just blaming and shaming the world for not following what they want or a social position that they want. It’s really an empowering way to approach it.
Another thing that’s really important is that a lot of people face the warrior and they try to integrate it in a masculine way. They’re like, “Well, if I just take more action. I’m a warrior, I’m going to go out.” This is very common in, I don’t want to name names, but a very popular self-help guru who makes people walk on water– I mean walk on coal. Yes, they don’t do that. Walk on fire. The walk at the fat coal walk.
I’ve seen people– I have friends that do this. Let’s punch holes in blocks and all these stuff. It’s not really about that. They just like this masculine idea of what it means to be a warrior.
Interviewer: Kind of like externalize-
Debi: Very externalize and very aggressive. For the warrior in herself, she has to come to terms with the– I don’t want to say the demons within herself, but the things about herself that she’s been hiding and pushing back and being okay with who she is. Being okay with her past, being okay with her mistakes, and fully loving herself, and that what’s going to help her integrate the warrior. Then have an image in her mind, an idea in her mind that she can hold in visualization to connect with that idea, and to aspire to become and make that her new persona versus the little old me who can’t make it in a world, little Mary who can’t make it. You’re going to be this powerful being that has this energy that people are drawn to, that people are going, I want to listen to what this woman has to say.
Interviewer: It reminds me about Joan of Arc or something like that.
Debi: Yes. I think a lot of women are afraid because of this tale, is that she got burned at the stake, is that they’re afraid that if I step out, if I speak up, if I go out of my comfort zone, my family is going to abandon me, my husband’s going to leave or my relationship is going to break up, or I’m not going to be able to go back to the corporate world, the money is not going to be there, and so we tend to want to shrink back and hold back. The warrior really gives us the courage and has us identify with a higher aspect of ourselves that’s not personal that gives us that courage.
Interviewer: You mentioned integration. I know integration in Jung in terms is making the unconscious conscious, and really making it part of the worldview that you inhabit. How does one or a woman go about integrating this warrior archetype?
Debi: I think that what happens with the warrior is that she is alive, and she is powerful, and she is in you already. She doesn’t need to be created in a sense. She’s there. You’re just not conscious of her, and you tend to push her– keep her unconscious. Your ego is trying to, “Let’s not let that cat out of the bag. Let’s keep her unconscious.” What we’re doing is we’re accepting that we’re not our ego, that there’s something powerful. It’s just like the whole saying is that we’re not human beings having a spiritual experience. We’re spiritual beings having a human experience. It’s sort of like that idea is that the archetype when we become aware of her, and we start identifying with her versus our little self that’s been through that little trials and light that think small, it helps us bring that part of us to life. It’s almost like welcoming our divinity and our power back, and it never went away. It’s just that we’re not using it. It’s about that. There’s a lot of precise ways. In 15 minutes, I don’t think we can go through the whole process, but through visualization, working with visualizations, she’ll show up in your dreams. You’ll have a dream of, maybe you’re fighting a battle and it’s a sign that the warrior is trying to activate herself. She’s saying, “Come on, I’m here, use me.” Then also through working with your emotions, like what is stopping you from– what’s the fear of allowing her to be expressive, you embodying the warrior.
Interviewer: Fascinating stuff. I can’t wait to hear about the other three archetypes.
Debi: I know. It’s going to be really interesting. There’s so much to teach on that. Actually, we are going to have an event where we’re going to go through all the four archetypes. It’s called alchemy. It’s coming in January in Hermosa Beach, California, right outside LA. If you’re interested in joining us and going deeper with the four archetypes in person, and really letting her shine in your life and becoming a vision for other women to be empowered by you, definitely check it out.
Interviewer: Well, thanks for that great conversation, and we hope to see you next time when we’ll talk about another one of the feminine archetypes. Thanks for tuning in. We’ll see you next time.
Have you ever awoken during sleep and realized that you were still dreaming? This is what is called Lucid Dreaming and almost everyone has at least one experience of this level of dreaming during their lifetime. Some people lucid dream frequently and others randomly throughout their life. In this episode, we explore the power of lucid dreaming and what it means to change your life.
This episode was filmed on video, if you want to see the video version you can click here and see us in action. We discuss:
What is lucid dreaming?
How can you create lucidity in a dream?
Techniques to prepare your mind to have a lucid dream
How lucid dreaming can show you how the mind works and reach higher levels of consciousness
Debi: Welcome to the Debi & Dr. Rob Show. This is Debi and I’m with Dr. Rob.
Rob: Nice to be here.
Debi: We are actually on video. It’s our first edition of our podcast on video, so if you are listening to this podcast on the audio version, we’d love for you to come visit us on YouTube and you can see this episode and more to come on video as well. Let’s talk about today’s topic which is, I know, one of your favorite topics.
Rob: One of my favorite all time topics is lucid dreaming.
Debi: Why do you love lucid dreaming?
Rob: Well, I love dreaming in general. I love talking about dreams but lucid dreaming is a special case of dreams. It’s a special category of dream-work. Now, the basic definition and most of you have probably have had a lucid dream in your life. You might not remember it, or you might have though it was something else, like an out of body experience or something, but it’s essentially when you wake up in the dream, meaning you have this awareness, this consciousness, but you’re still caught up in the dream. You’re still in the dreamscape in a sense.
Debi: A lot of people might have that just when they wake up. Sometimes they’ll have that experience and, of course, everyone knows that movie Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio where he says, “I’m having a dream within a dream,” and basically they were using lucid dreaming. Of course it’s not scientific, the dream, it’s a ciphered movie but it gives you this idea that your body is asleep but you are awake inside a dreamscape and you are conscious. Which is a really fascinating concept for [crosstalk].
Rob: Just to be clear, it’s not cipher anymore. Back in the ’70s or ’80s, in the ’80s, people started studying it seriously and they found out this is an actual phenomenon. Everyone has the capacity, the capability to do lucid dreaming if they just learn a few simple techniques.
Debi: We are going to talk about that on the show too. Why would we use them? What’s the benefit of lucid dreaming?
Rob: That’s a good question. In general, if you think about why do we need dreams to begin with, why would nature force us to fall asleep and then have this 3D hallucination that takes us to other places and other situations and essentially nobody knows. There are some good theories. It does appear to have to do with good memory function, good logic, good reasoning, basically the brain needs it to survive, and to thrive and to be able to function properly, just general dreams. Why would lucid dreaming be part of dreams? It seems to be more on the spiritual mystical side.
Debi: I remember I’ve had a few lucid dreams, and I remember the next day feeling euphoric when I have them. It’s like this lightness, this joy as is if I just went too strong and cleansed my mind. I don’t know what it was. I wonder is it just because you are so aware? What’s that euphoric feeling?
Rob: I think it’s just a breakthrough in our consciousness that we realize well, there is this whole other level of reality in our mind, or our mind has all this power and this capability to really explore the world of consciousness, of dreams, in a different way. That realization just fills us with happiness and joy because it is such an incredible thing. Think about it, imagine having this wakeful consciousness but then stepping outside the door and flying up [crosstalk], and it feels like you are awake and you are flying or you’re doing all these incredible things but your body is fast asleep in your bed.
Debi: Sometimes when you were kids, a lot of children talk about dreams of flying or dreams of remembering that they could fly in their dreams, so we had a lot more experiences when we were younger but I remember, just so people can know what is a lucid dream, what does it feel like, I think it was when we first met, you weren’t there, and I woke up and I got out of bed and I walked down the stairs, and I saw my roommate, she was sleeping on the couch for some reason. It was like a balcony you can overlook, and I went to put my hand on the rail, my hand went right through the rail and I realized I was dreaming and I just was walking around and then I went back to sleep.
The next day she had woken up, she didn’t normally sleep there, so I’m like, “Okay, I knew I must have done something and maybe that was more out of body experience, but I felt like I was awake and I was just walking around in the house and I it was just this kind of sensation of, “That’s interesting. I must be dreaming because my hand was going through the rail.”
I was floating and I just remember the next day thinking, “Oh my God, I just feel so happy today and so alive.” It was just this amazing experience and I think it’s what you said, maybe it’s because you have experienced another realm of your own consciousness that you haven’t experienced before.
Rob: People who have not experienced a lucid dream, I know what you’re thinking, you’re probably saying, “Well, it’s just your imagination,” or “just a very intense dream,” but it’s not that. Like I said, this is well documented and it’s a psychological phenomenon that anyone can access. Now, having said that, there is a caveat, we do not want to use lucid dreams just for fun games.
Debi: Which a lot of those retreats where people go and do lucid dreams and it’s more just to leave your body and play around.
Rob: It’s to say, “Look at me I’m so wonderful, I can do this lucid dreaming thing.” In reality, it is a gift that’s given to us, human beings, this incredible– I think it’s more like a spiritual imagination that is given to us in order for us to cultivate our spiritual life in a very direct way and so always consider, “How can I use it to become a better person instead, to increase my awareness, my capacity for compassion, for love, for connectedness?”
Debi: Well, I think one of the things that lucid dreaming the benefits could be is that when you wake up in a dream and then you can direct that dream, you are actually building a muscle of your consciousness to be able in your waking life to say, let me bend this reality as well and so we start to see, for me it’s like the dream world and the waking world become the same material and so you’re not thinking, “Oh, that’s the magical part and there’s no rules there but here there are rules and everything solid.”
I think it just comes from a place of, if you come from the ego and you’re attached to the magic, you’re not going to really get the benefit from it but if you come from a place of individuation where you’re seeing these dreams or these experiences as a way to show how your mind works and how consciousness works, I think this is a great, great tool. The people are listening going, “How can I have a lucid dream? How can I do this? How can I learn how to do this?” What would you say?
Rob: There are techniques, we can talk about one in specific that we think is very safe, very natural.
Debi: No electrodes and lights going on your eyes, a lot of people use electronics or drugs to [crosstalk].
Rob: Nothing like that. There is a precedence for this in a whole discipline in Tibet Buddhism it’s called dream yoga. Dream yoga is using lucid dreams for spiritual development in essence. It doesn’t mean that you’re doing asanas in your dream although you could, I guess.
Debi: The downward dog [laughs].
Rob: Yoga is used more as a discipline of the mind. How can we discipline the mind through lucid dreaming? That’s the way we want to approach lucid dreaming, as a disciplining of the mind to cultivate it’s consciousness, it’s levels of awareness. One of the basic techniques is that while you’re awake, in this ordinary waking world, look at you hands and ask yourself, “Am I dreaming?”
Debi: “Am I dreaming? Am I dreaming? Am I dreaming?” You could do this right now at home.
Debi: “Am I dreaming?”
Rob: Don’t do it at work because you might get fired or something.
Debi: You can think it.
Rob: [laughs] Some people also, when they look at their watch, they make it a practice to ask, “Am I dreaming?” What they do is, they look at the watch, they look away and then look back at it. If it’s still the same, you know you’re in this waking state. If it has changed, then you might suspect you’re dreaming.
Debi: I know, because when you’re dreaming, you don’t know you’re dreaming. The reason why we have these techniques is that we start to wake up from them. I remember, before you told me about this technique, I remember having a lucid dream where I was flying through space, very crescent dream. I think you were on your way to around this planet, and I was looking at my hands going up and I’m like, “Oh.” I noticed the little freckles on my fingers and I was like, “Okay, I’m dreaming.” Because I could see my hands. When you told me that this technique I said, “That’s why I did that in that dream, I could see my hands,” so a part of me must have known about that.
I really like that one. One thing that I discovered myself is when I do visualizations, one thing I’ve realized is that, in visualizations, I’m always seeing throughout my own eyes and I’m seeing forward. I’m never looking behind me, so I’m seeing in that one direction. That’s basically how we are like, we don’t turn around all the time. We’re focused maybe on this very limited scope. What I started to do in my visualization is I would be in this place, and then I would be like, “What’s behind me?” and I would turn around and see the 360. I would just practice seeing the whole gamut of the experience.
I remember, when I started to do that every day, I think the seventh day, I woke up in a dream and I spun myself around in the dream and I said, “Oh my god I’m awake.” I was so excited and I was trying to make this tree grow and created a house and I was in this very grey, there was nothing there. It was like a virtual reality almost. It was very bizarre, but I remember thinking, “It was me practicing that.” When I was in the dream, I started turning around and then I realized I was awake. That’s another– my suggestion that I’ve discovered that really helps.
Again, we’re not getting attached to, “I have to have a lucid dream and it’s so great.” When we do, we start to see how powerful our mind is. Then if you can direct your dream, imagine what you can do in a waking world. Imagine waking up in life because most of our lives, we’re sleep-walking basically where our unconscious is doing all, we’re going through the motions with getting ready in the morning and eating, and we just go through our day at work and driving. We’re really in this fog of a dreamlike state and very, very infrequently are we wide awake. Do you think mindfulness would also be–?
Rob: Yes, definitely. Mindfulness is being aware in the immediate moment and focusing on what you’re doing in the moment and in real time. Meditation, we know helps. Visualization helps. Good sleep hygiene, which means you don’t–
Debi: Take a shower before you go to bed.
Rob: Don’t drink a lot of stimulants, coffee or sodas, a lot of sugar before you go to sleep. Certain rituals like taking a shower or meditating, relaxing before you go to sleep, all those things, we know increase the likelihood of having a lucid dream.
Debi: We could also mention to our clients is to set the intention that you’re going to have a lucid dream. Before you go to bed, you could do this with dreaming in general. Just say, “I’m going to remember my dreams.” And you’re setting that intention as you drift off. You can also set the intention, “I’m going to have a lucid dream.” The mind is so powerful, you could even say, “I’m going to wake up at seven o’clock,” and you will wake up at 7:00 AM that morning. Your mind will take orders from you.
Rob: The basic theory is this, like you said, when we are in a dream, we don’t know we’re dreaming most of the time. When strange things happen, we want to get into the habit of questioning that, “Am I dreaming?” You’re walking down main street in your town and all of a sudden you see a giraffe walking by, you can ask yourself-
Debi: Am I dreaming?
Rob: “Is this a dream?” or something. “This is strange. This is something unusual.” Those techniques, within the dream, will help you then wake up. Not wake up physically in the bed but wake up within the dream and become lucid.
Debi: Saying, “Am I dreaming?” throughout the day, looking at your watch throughout the day, “Am I dreaming?” look away, look at the time, and then being more mindful. Before you go to sleep at night, don’t have any stimulants, don’t eat lots of sugar, ice cream, take a shower, do some meditation, visualize before you go to sleep, set an intention to remember your dreams or to have a lucid dream. Those are all the recipe for having those wonderful mystical experiences. Be sure to write your dreams down, that’s one thing that’s really important. Even if you don’t know what the dream means.
Young said that if you write them down, and just read them, your psyche is going to transform because there’s a deeper part of yourself that knows what it means. From your dream life, you’re bringing it into the physical world and your higher consciousness. That’s what the dream is supposed to– It’s like taking stuff that you don’t know unconsciously to bring it forward. If you bring it forward on paper and pen, it’s a ritual for you to put it into the physical world and use it.
Rob: That’s a whole other aspect of dream working and lucid dreaming that now people are starting to use it for therapeutic purposes. Let’s say somebody has a phobia in real life or in waking life, you can use a lucid dream to confront that fear and practice. Let’s say, you’re afraid of heights, in the lucid dream, being consciously aware that you are within the dream, you’re not as fearful because you know that, “I can always wake up,” or “I can fly if I fall off the high building,” or something, then you can practice overcoming that fear in a gradual and a safe environment that’s created in your mind.
All those possibilities are just the tip of the iceberg. This whole area of how can we use lucid dreaming to improve ourselves, to become more conscious, more spiritual, more aware is just stunning. We want to do, in the future, maybe some workshops, maybe some–
Debi: We’re having a dream archetypal retreat next year in Athens, Greece, where we’re going to take a trip to the ruins, we’ll see the Parthenon, we’re going to look at all the amazing– Why are you smiling?
Rob: Oh, god no [crosstalk]
Debi: We’re going to see the ruins and talk about the archetypes and all the gods, the Greek gods, and see the archetypes within them and then perhaps a lot of dream experiences and meditative experiences. If you’re interested in joining us in Athens, in October of 2019, we’re going to be doing that as well. We also deal with dreams in any of our events, our live events here in the US and Europe.
I think dreams, to me, are [unintelligible 00:18:24] say they’re the royal road to the unconscious. I think dreams to me are the direct experience of your spiritual life. I have had ideas of what being spiritual is and what I believe is unknown and unseen and faith in the divine. Working with dreams, especially with lucid dreams, you really get to see what your consciousness is made of. It’s a beautiful practice. The more you can do it, the more you’re going to be enlightened and be aware of everything around you and your power that you have to really direct your life. Again, if you can direct the dream, you can direct your life.
That’s it for today. This is such a great topic. I’m glad you decided that you would bring it up. [laughs] Remember to tune in to the rest of our shows on iTunes and on Google Play and Spotify now. We just can’t wait to see you on the next episode. This is Debi and Rob, signing out.
If you are getting results that are not aligned with your conscious desires, then this video will help you see how your “deepest driving desire” in your unconscious mind is driving your life. Based on the teachings in the Upanishads, Debi and Rob discuss the power of understanding the unconscious drives that keep you from attracting the right relationship, the success and money you want and finding inner peace. Watch our new video (or read the transcript below!)
“You are your deepest driving desire. As you deepest driving desire is, so is your will.
As your will is so is your deed. As you deed is so is your destiny.”
Debi: Hi, this is Debi and DR. Rob.
Dr. Rob: Nice to be here.
Debi: How are you today?
Dr. Rob: Good. How are you doing?
Debi: I’m good. I’m excited to talk about how we take action and not get the results we want and the wisdom of the Upanishads of the deepest driving desire.
Dr. Rob: Here’s a quote for you. “You’re your deepest driving desire. As your deepest driving desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed, and as your deed is, so is your destiny.” There you see the domino effect directly from the mind, your deepest driving desire in your mind all the way to what you create as your destiny.
Debi: Your results. Carl Young said it, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, you’ll think your life is just fate. The things that show up.” I’m paraphrasing but that if you don’t really understand this. When we talk about the deepest driving desire, it’s really the unconscious, what we’re not aware of.
Dr. Rob: Absolutely.
Debi: Let’s start with just how normal people think.
Debi: Not us.
Dr. Rob: I haven’t seen a normal person yet.
Debi: That an ordinary person thinks that, “I have an idea. I’m going to think about this idea and I’m going to set an intention,” which a lot of people set their intentions which is great. There’s nothing wrong with that. Then they take action toward that intention like, “I want to find love, I want to make more money, I want to change careers.” Then they take action and then they get the results that’s not really what they want. They say, “How come I’m getting all these people that are not appropriate? How come the money is not coming in? Why is this happening?”
Dr. Rob: The reason it’s not happening is because the deepest driving desire is unconscious. The unconscious mind, at the personal level, we can think of it as our program mind. All the conditioning that has gone on from the time that we were born up until yesterday or this morning, that’s your conditioning and it’s unconscious because you’re not thinking about it but it’s having a big impact on how you see the world, what you think in possible, and what you think is impossible for yourself.
Debi: What’s really interesting is that it’s unconscious, but when you find out what it is, you notice everywhere. Like it’s always been right in front of you and the only way to really see your unconscious mind is looking at your results in life. First of all, the first step is to say that I have– there’s no independent reality outside of my mind that the results in my life are not by some other force besides what’s inside me.
If you don’t even get that far, why even do this kind of work? If you’re thinking that the power is outside of you, then why work with your mind anyway just to find a way to feel good about your life and settle for– rationalize why you have the life you want? You have to say, “Yes, I’m creating this,” and that means everything. That means the things you don’t want, the things you do want. Your results are showing your unconscious mind. That’s the first clue.
Dr. Rob: Then if you want to see what is my unconscious mind or what is my deepest driving desire, that’s hidden from me, look at your results. Are you happy with your relationship? Are you happy with your work? Are you happy with your creativity level? Anything. The external situation right now in those areas is what’s in your mind. It is like looking into a mirror. It’s reflecting back to you what you really believe.
Debi: Here’s an example. If you’re in business for yourself or you want to get a promotion or you’re in a corporate job and you have this intention that, “I want to get a raise, I want to get a promotion.” Or, “I’m on my own business. I want to increase my revenue,” and you’re setting the intention. You set your goals, you take action and then you’re not reaching those goals. You’re looking and you’re saying, “Okay. Well, the bank account is not showing any sales,” or, “the job got passed over. My boss is telling me I can’t have that job.”
The ordinary person will say, “I’m doing something wrong. I got to change strategies or I have to go find another job somewhere.” The layperson says, “What I’m I doing to create this? What is this saying about my mind?” Then you start taking the power back. If you blame it on everyone else or you feel it’s something you’re chasing out there, you lose all your power.
Dr. Rob: That’s right because you’re giving your power away. You’re saying, “I’ll only be happy, be content and I’ll be in charge when things external to me line up in a certain way.” Good luck waiting for that. You might be waiting forever.
Debi: It’s never enough too if you keep looking for that carat that’s going to fulfill you. I think the greatest freedom in the world is to know that you create your life to know that you’re in charge. The system is really great. You got the results and you’re saying, “The money is not in the bank. I know I’m creating this.” Again, it’s not beating yourself up and saying, “I’m a bad person. I did it wrong.” It is more like “be curious about it. Be open in curiosity. “Let’s get to know each other’s results. Let’s see what’s in here.” You will have an emotion typically responding to that result.
Dr. Rob: Those emotions are really the key to finding what are the limitations, the assumptions that you’re making about what’s possible for your life. It’s the emotional reaction to life that really limits us because you feel it as something tangible. You feel it as kind of you’ve hit the wall. People talk about those glass ceilings. That’s exactly it. It’s not that there’s an actual ceiling there. It’s that there’s a mental ceiling and an emotional ceiling that you’re hitting and you’re not allowed to go past it until you do that inner work and that’s what it’s about. How do you make the unconscious conscious? You have to look inside. You have to examine your life.
Debi: Let me give you an example to bring it down for you to apply. Say you’re not making the money and you have this fear around that money. Whatever that is. I examine that fear. The fear could be, at first, “I’m not going to be able to pay my bills. I’m going to be homeless.” Deeper, if you examine it a little more and you just be in that feeling, you’re going to notice that what you really are afraid of is maybe what people think, what you think about yourself.
You feel like a loser. You feel like everyone else will think you’re a loser. There’s maybe a survival mechanism and what I found is that there’s three main drivers that are driving your results. One is pride. If you’re feeling ashamed because you didn’t get the result, you’re driven by pride.
Dr. Rob: I know that one.
Debi: You do? You’re worried about what other people think. The second one is protection where you feel that “if I have that money, I’m going to feel a sense of security.” A lot of people, money for them is protection. They’re taking that action but they’re feeling that, “money is going to protect me.” The third one is power where, “If I have that money, I’m going to have power. I’m going to be able to use and wield my power to do things in the world.”
If you’re using money to get power, to get pride, to be proud of yourself or to feel protected, what you’re doing is you’re giving away all your power basically to this money and so when you’re taking the actions, the deepest driving desire is really the fear of not having it. You’re having all this energy that’s actually giving you– that matches feeling that you have in the result. You see how that makes a line. It’s kind of a crooked way to go but you see that the feeling that you get in response to your result is showing the feeling that’s unconsciously driving your actions and your will.
Dr. Rob: In that sense, psychologically, it would mean it’s more of a defense mechanism, a compensation for your feeling of lack and you’re using the money or the success as a way to compensate for something. That’s not a success and that’s not creativity. Basically, you’re just running the same ego program but in– What do they call that? An external scheme.
Debi: Like a racket or something. You figure it out like the three cups that you try to find the nut under. The feeling that you get from that result is showing that fear that’s underneath. If you don’t have a fear around the result and say, “Okay, I didn’t get that result. Let me go back.” You just keep moving. What most people do is they freak out and not getting the result, they get triggered and then they feel stuck and they feel like, “Let me just try harder.” What they’re doing is just digging deeper into that fear. How do we let go with that fear of not being enough feeling like the money is going to save us because, of course, people argue, “I have to pay my bills. I have to feed myself and keep the roof above my head and pay my mortgage,” or whatever.
Rob: Well, all those are survival mechanisms and we need those things in place and we need to understand the basic levels of survival, no doubt. Creativity, creating your life, it really means understanding that the mind is the one that’s dictating your reality. Most people operate on the opposite principle. They’re waiting for external circumstances to show them that things are possible and that’s not going to happen because the external will simply reflect what you believe is possible. As you start to examine your mind, you’re opening up new possibilities in your mind. Then you’ll see those possibilities externally manifested.
Debi: That’s a beautiful way to say it because it’s really that if you really truly believe there’s lack in your life and that you don’t really feel that you can create wealth and that you can create success, it’s almost like it’s basically interrupting the flow. You’re putting all that into your action. You’re not going with that clarity of mind thinking, “I’m a conscious being. I can create what I want and I’m going to go get it and I’m going to feel in the flow and I’m going to receive it and there’s no doubt in my mind.”
What most people do is that they doubt it and they look for the results to prove that they can have it like you said versus believing it on the onset. We have to reverse engineer. What I would leave you with is, think about the emotion. What results are you getting? Reverse engineer what actions did you take, and then think about the energy you put into the action. There’s a lot of fear and rushing and intensity of trying to force things to happen. Then the will is the why? Why do you want what you want? Why do you want the money? What’s that intention about? Then you go into, is there fear underneath it? That is really where the rubber meets the road, as you say, to find out what that is.
Rob: Right. Again, your deepest driving desire is who you are, meaning it’s going to give you your destiny. As your deepest driving desire, so is your will, meaning that’s how you’re going to intend things. As your will is, so is your deed. Your will determines your pattern of actions. As your pattern of actions as your deed is so is your destiny.
Debi: It’s who you’re. It’s who you’re being when you take those actions. Not actually what you’re doing which is kind of crazy because a lot of the people think, “I have to have the right strategy. I have to have the right marketing and my brand and my funnel.” It’s all of those things are fine because you need to take the action, but if you bring this fear and this beingness of lack into everything you do, your results will show you exactly where you are. All you need to do is look at your results to see what’s in your mind. Then you have the keys to unlock it and change it.
Rob: The keys to the kingdom.
Debi: Thanks for joining us today for this brief little chat. We hope you find out what your deepest driving desire is and make it confident, powerful, higher level desire, higher purpose for knowing who you’re and the limitlessness that you have to create what you, and we hope to see you soon on another video. Visit us at Debiandrob.com
Have you ever felt that your lack of confidence stops you from getting what you want in life? Have you been labeled with “low self-esteem” or being needy and want to fix that part of yourself. Listen to this quick video by Debi Berndt Maldonado where she explains the truth about confidence and how you can have it right now without having to fix yourself.
That’s really interesting when I talk about– When I first started in my personal development journey, I was labeled having low self-esteem. I was trying to diagnose, what was wrong with me, why did I feel so unhappy with my life? Why couldn’t I find relationships? Why didn’t I have the career I wanted? Why did I have the bosses I had? It all came down to, “You have low self-esteem.” For most of my young adult life, I was really trying to build up my self-esteem, and a lot of personal development is about building confidence.
Here’s the thing, most people think that making an ego and making your personality more confident and appealing to people is the key, but what we’re really doing is putting on a mask. We’re not really feeling confident inside, we’re acting confident. That whole idea of the imposter syndrome, that’s where it really comes from, because we feel like we can’t be ourselves, we can’t be vulnerable, we have to put on this confident air in order to get the things we want in life. I think it puts too much pressure on people to be this perfection. What I’ve discovered is true confidence is having confidence in your higher self to guide you.
That you can be a complete wreck around people who love you, you can be insecure, you can be needy, you could be emotional and feel low self-esteem and people will still love you and know that that’s not all of who you are. It’s about embracing that low self-esteem, embracing those little insecure parts of ourselves that really give us true confidence. Really it’s the hardest thing to do, most people– It’s really scary we’re not taught or conditioned to be so revealing about ourselves. I found that even around you when we were first starting to date, when I was really honest and vulnerable and scared, you had told me once, “I really feel closer to you now.”
I think that’s the key is that people could smell when you are hiding your insecurity. What’s most endearing is that when you’re open and yourself and that makes people want to be close to you. True confidence is loving all parts of yourself, it’s loving the parts that you’re really good and your strengths, and also loving all the things that aren’t so pleasing sometimes, that if you love all those parts of yourself, you’ll find that you’ll surround yourself with people who love all those parts too. It makes you feel more relaxed in life and the pressure’s off.
That’s my take on true confidence. When you think about the higher self, it can never be harmed, it can never be insecure, it can never be wounded. The only thing that feels that way is the ego. If we transcend it and access that wonderful part of our minds that’s divine and express the divine woman, we never have to worry about those insecure times because we know that’s not really what defines us.
Have you tried to become a better person, gain confidence or fix your past to create a new future but feel stuck? The problem isn’t what you are doing but “who” you are working on. In this video, Debi and Dr. Rob explain that too many people get stuck in personal development trying to fix …
Debi and Dr. Rob answer the question: How do I know if I am through the shadow? The Shadow process is often confused for healing or therapy. In essence, the Shadow is your personal unconscious mind that is your limited conditioning based on your personal experience. If you do not face the shadow, you will …
Debi and Dr. Rob answer your questions by the fire. Watch this video where we answer the question: “How Do I Find My Own Power?” The key to discovering your own power is to look within. So many people give their power away to money, relationships and needing approval and their sense of security is …
Debi and Dr. Rob answer your questions about individuation, Jungian psychology and eastern philosophy. In this segment, we answer the question, “How to Start Living as Your Higher Self”. Learn this easy exercise that you can do every day. TRANSCRIPT: Voice-over: You can create the life that you love. Carl Jung says that until you …