As a woman, have you ever felt that some of the personal development teachings are more masculine and focused on taking action and changing behavior? If you are seeking a deeper psychology that is not about fixing yourself but becoming your full potential as a woman, then find out more about Debra’s take on a …
Do you call yourself an expert in your career and feel like an imposter? In this video, Debi describes the Imposter Syndrome and how having it is actually a good sign. She explains the psychology of creating an Expert Persona based on Jungian psychology and the shadow that it casts and creates problems in your business. This video can help you understand why you feel so stressed and overly concerned about keeping up with everyone else on social media, why you never feel like you are enough and how to transcend the ego to create your business and life from your true self.
TRANSCRIPT OF VIDEO:
Hi, this is Debi Maldonado of the Academy of Jungian Spiritual Psychology, where we provide the highest level of training for coaches and for women leaders, to reach their full potential, based on Jungian psychology. Now I wanted to talk today about the impostor syndrome and why it’s actually a good thing to have it, and it’s actually very normal, and if those of you who don’t know what it is, the impostor syndrome is this feeling that the person that everyone thinks we are is really not who we are.
No matter how much success you reached. Maybe you have other people adoring you, maybe you’re a celebrity, or maybe you are putting yourself out there as an expert, but secretly struggling in your business and you’re supposed to be this great business coach or this great business leader and you’re personally struggling with your business and you’re hoping that no-one finds out what a mess you really are inside, that is the impostor syndrome.
It really is created, if you look at Jungian psychology and his idea of the shadow, now if you don’t know that, I’m going to explain to you that when you create a persona or a mask that you put out into the world for people to interact with, if you put yourself out there on your website or on social media as an expert, what happens is the persona takes on one role and the opposite goes into the shadow or goes underneath, undercover, and it becomes the things about us that we deny or we push away.
If you identify with yourself as an expert, you automatically put in your shadow the non-expert, the novice, the incompetent, the failure, and so everything that you do to uphold your success, if you’re tied to that idea of “I’m the expert,” you will be also using all your energy to make sure no-one no-one no-one ever sees you as a failure.
Now imagine how much pressure that puts on you. How much, maybe, you work harder than you need to or how you feel dissatisfied no matter how much success you get. It’s because the shadow, this unconscious part of you that you keep pushing away, keeps telling you, you’re not that great, you could be doing better, if you worked harder you could be at her level now, or every time someone, maybe, gives you a criticism or feels that you’re not helping them, you really take it to heart and want to fix it.
All that is so draining and emotionally exhausting, to keep that idea up, now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t put yourself out there as an expert, I’m not saying that at all. I’m saying that you have to stop identifying your ego with that marketing persona. When we create a marketing persona and a brand identity we have to remember it’s an act. It’s not who we really are, it’s something we’re performing to put out there, like Lady Gaga has her little makeup and her crazy clothes that she used to wear, as her persona, but it wasn’t really who she was.
The way she was able to really change and grow and develop as an artist is because she didn’t get attached to that persona. She knew it was a game, but most of us, when we are first starting out, were told, you have to be the expert, you have to act like the expert and we tend to get have an inflated ego around it, and believe me, in the personal development field there’s a lot of inflated egos and I’m also saying this from personal experience. I too got caught up in that idea that it always have to be the expert, I have to have all the answers, I have to know it all, and that was completely exhausting for me, and it was never enough.
What’s the antidote, how do we escape the shadow, and how do we create from a different place. Well, first of all you have to use know that you are not the ego, and that the ego is just a conditioned idea of this personal little I that we were born into. Part of our conditioning. It’s our survival mind and it’s basically what, I’d say most of the people on the planet are actually operating from, but there’s another part of you.
If you really pay attention, there’s another part that’s the witness. It’s this other consciousness that’s within us that is not the thinker, it’s actually watching the thinker, and that’s really our true self. It’s untouched by this world. It doesn’t care if everyone thinks we’re an expert, or if we had a great six figure month, or if our book became a bestseller. It loves us and it’s just so excepting and unlimited to what’s possible.
What we want to do is step more into that part of our minds, because that part of our mind when we stop operating from that conditioning survival mind and keeping up with everyone else and making sure we look good to everyone else, we end up creating something really bigger than we thought we could, and there really is no persona that can match the grandness of who you are. If you settle for just being an expert, let me tell you, that is a low bar because you are really capable of so much more. You are an unlimited conscious being.
You have to remember that the true nature of who you are is that. Just notice, every time you get caught up with getting a bad review, or an email from a client that triggers you, or when your friend, who started her business the same time as you, is doing better than you financially, and you’re wondering why you’re not doing as well as she is, remember you’re caught up in that impostor syndrome, that persona of being the expert and creating its opposite.
Another quick tip is actually going toward that fear of being incompetent, of being the novice. What is so bad about that? Why are you running away from it? Why is it such a terrible thing? I promise if you just sit with it and watch that emotion arise and listen to the stories, you’re going to realize how much this is run your life and your business.
If this sounds really interesting for you to transcend the ego and really step into your power, I invite you to check out our new events called Alchemy, where I will personally take you through a way to access the deeper aspects of who you are through the four feminine archetypes to bring you to a greater version of yourself besides just the brand expert, something even more profound that’s aligned with your higher mission here, and that will bring you more success and more abundance than you can even imagine.
Come to our website at Debbie and Dr Rob.com and find out more about our event called Alchemy, and apply today to be a part of the magic, this is Debbie Maldonado, remember to believe in yourself and not the label that you put out there and know that you are capable of infinite possibilities. Take care.
Do you have a strong spiritual path or do you approach spirituality with a “buffet style” — take a lot of different classes and pick which ones that feel good for you?
In this episode:
- Debi and Rob share their personal journey to find their own spiritual path
- Know why we seek a spiritual path and the difference between seeking and finding
- Understand the two basic philosophies – materialism (duality) or one consciousness (non-dual)
- We talk about Carl Jung and how he influenced much of the “new age” movement
- Learn how important it is to have a strong philosophy in order to create your life.
If you are a woman with a mission and want to explore spiritual psychology and grow yourself based on Jungian path of individuation, check out our Women’s Leadership Program called, EVOLVE. Applications are now being accepted for 2019 at http://creativewomenleaders.com
Subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave us an honest review!
TRANSCRIPT OF THE PODCAST:
Debi: Hi, this is the Debi and Dr. Rob’s Show. We have a great topic today. Hi, Rob.
Dr. Rob: Good to be here, what is the topic for today?
Debi: It’s seeking and finding your spiritual path. So how do we do that? We get questions like that all the time from our listeners. They say, “How do I find my spiritual path? How do I know I’m on the right path?”. There’s so much out there and so we’re going to talk about that. What do you think?
Dr. Rob: Well, how did you start when you were starting out?
Debi: When I was little. [laughs] Well, I was raised Roman Catholic, so my spiritual path that was my family origin was go to church, pray a lot, and if God blesses you and feels it’s right, you’ll get the things you pray for. It was all about being a good girl. Don’t make any mistakes, don’t be bad. Ask for forgiveness, be a good Christian and good things will happen to you.
Which was great until I was in my twenties and I was so terrified of not making Mass that I would do anything just to make sure I was there. I thought if I missed one week of church that God would punish me and I’d be single forever. What I discovered, too, was that it wasn’t giving me the answers that I needed to apply in my personal life. I had a really bad relationship and the sister of the guy I was dating actually gave me a book called, You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.
It was a self-help book, I’d never read self-help before and the first thing she said was that “Your thoughts create your life.” I said, “My thoughts create my life? I thought God was in charge.” It really changed the power from feeling this powerless person to praying and hoping that I’ll be blessed to actually, I can have a say. I can ask for what I want. My thoughts are actually creating more of my problems than me just being a bad Christian or a bad person or making sin.
It really fit for me really well and that started my path of trying to read a ton of self-help books. They didn’t have the internet back then so let’s go to the bookstore and try to figure out why my life wasn’t working. I really do believe that if I had met someone at got married at 23, I don’t think I would have been on the spiritual path that I am. I actually think it’s a gift when we have these questions in life or things aren’t working out because it drives us to seek. How about you?
Dr. Rob: Well, I guess I came across a lot of the same New Age ideas that you did, maybe a little bit differently. There is a connection because Carl Jung, let’s say my mentor in psychology, is considered the grandfather or the father of the New Age. A lot of the books that you read like Louise Hay was probably influenced directly or indirectly by Carl Jung. One of the first books that I came across that really inspired me was The Portable Jung which is really Carl Jung’s work edited by Joseph Campbell, the mythologist.
The other one was The Bhagavad Gita which was teachings of Krishna. Those two books really formed the foundation of the rest of my life. One was my academic training in psychology, the other one was my spiritual path along an eastern philosophy path.
Debi: I kind of did some eastern philosophy. I was more in the New Age. I lived in Colorado so there’s a lot of New Age people and crystals and healing and energy healing. We did a lot of that stuff trying to take negative energy out and clear myself so I could find love. I remember I would read tons of books. Any new author comes out, Marianne Williamson or Wayne Dyer, I would always get the book. I had tons of books and when I met you, you said I said, “Oh, have you read Wayne Dyer or have you read this book?” and you said to me, “Oh, I don’t read any of those kinds of books.” You said, “I go right to the source.”
That was the first time I ever heard that. I thought that this was how everyone does spiritual work. You either read the Bible or stay with your religion or you do the self-help version. You gave me the book The Way of the Bodhisattva, and I read it and I was completely confused but I knew there was something there. There was something that was different about it and the more I studied eastern philosophy, it really started to gel. What it did was, it gave me a foundation so then I could see all this surface stuff that was on top and say, “Oh, that doesn’t fit anymore and that doesn’t fit anymore.” It’s almost like the pruning that happens when we’re kids. Our brain has all these ideas and then it kind of prunes away and takes away all the things that don’t fit in anymore or aren’t useful.
I felt like I had so many different philosophies and teachers that I followed and then it started pruning and pruning and pruning until I started really focusing on Vedanta. When I did that, I feel like everything changed in a rapid way. I feel like things started happening. Like I was able to create my life in a better way. What we talk about with a spiritual path is the seeking is a very important part of it. You’re going to talk about why we seek and the difference between seeking and finding. When you’re in your seeking mode, you’re not going to get much trajectory in your life. You’re going to be seeking and it’s going to feel a little confusing for a while.
That’s when that foundation comes in. The tracks are set for you and you start to move forward in your life.
Dr. Rob: Let’s say from the spiritual psychology perspective, the seeking is an essential part. It’s okay when you’re in that seeking mode to take your time with it and to really allow yourself to be a little skeptical, a little confused. That’s what seeking is, it’s essentially saying, “I don’t really know what I believe. I don’t claim any particular path, any particular religion right now because I am in that questioning mode.” It’s right to just take your time with it and seek and ask the right questions.
A lot of people give up though because the answers don’t come easily or don’t come in a prepackaged–
Debi: Santa didn’t bring their gift.
Dr. Rob: Right. It’s painful in a way to be in that mode of questioning.
Debi: Constantly and not getting the answer?
Dr. Rob: Right.
Debi: I know you had said that it’s sort of like you’re digging holes. If you keep changing your paths, it’s okay for a little bit but if you keep staying there you’re going to dig a shallow hole. Your ego’s actually designed to keep you from the truth.
Dr. Rob: Right, it’s a metaphor that says that the seeker who keeps changing path is like a person trying to dig a well to find water but they stop at about three feet and then start another hole. By the end of the year, they’ve dug four or five holes but haven’t hit the water because they keep changing it up to the next one.
Debi: It’s almost like when they just get close to something really good, they see a shiny object. It’s the ego going, “Oh, look over there. Look at this new video that’s out by this new teacher. They have this new best-selling book. Now I’ll follow that person and I just remember-” You can see this happening online, you see people– It’s like a flood, momentum toward a teacher has a great book out.
I remember Eat, Pray, Love. Everyone was in the Eat, Pray, Love mood for a while. Then there was another book and everyone’s into that and then this author has a book and everyone’s doing Eckhart Tolle. Then the masses gel to the next big thing but then what happens is we don’t go deep enough. Since we’re not deep enough, the roots of that understanding don’t keep us there and we really need to go a little deeper.
I always say that when you’re finding that path, it’s the path that you don’t leave even when things get tough. Then you know you’ve found your right path. You love the path, you understand it, you believe in it. Let’s talk about, how do you know if it matches your belief? How do you know what we believe? Let’s go deeper. Let’s go to the water.
Dr. Rob: One way to think about it is, what is your worldview? Is your worldview consistent? We run into people a time that are presenting a certain idea but if you start to examine their ideas they appear to be contradicting themselves. They might say well, I believe in oneness or in spiritual power but there is negative things out there are trying to hurt me.
Dr. Rob: There’s spirits or negative energy. That doesn’t make sense because they’re contradicting themselves in buying into this worldview that both is one and at the same time dualistic.
Debi: Well, a good example of that is if you’re, “I’m a spiritual being but there is things I need to be afraid of. There is things externally from me that are a threat to me.” That if we understand what the true spiritual being is oneness then you’re not seeing that separation. You’re not feeling that there is something else coming in, you are everything. It’s just a really different way to do it. The same thing with psychology, self-help has been hijacked by psychology.
Religion some way creeps its way into spiritual work and then people make it religious or the religion in itself starts to distort our ideas even new consciousness ideas. The ideas of the Law of Attraction and how to create your life. It actually gets a little religious versus philosophical.
Dr. Rob: Right. One of the most common let’s say worldviews out there is the materialistic worldview. Often it’s a dualistic because they say, “Well, there is a material world but then there is a spiritual world as well.”
Dr. Rob: Those two things are dual. They’re saying there is two elements here. A material world and a spiritual world. How those interact then becomes the question and often they don’t have a really good understanding or philosophy as to how that interaction happens. It’s an incomplete worldview to say the least.
Debi: Is it this idea that in science there is a matter and then there is consciousness and that arises out of matter. Is that what you’re talking about materialistic?
Dr. Rob: Yes. In the West for a long time this idea that our brain is so complex. We have a hundred billion neurons firing it at once or in different sequences and out of that complicated interaction of these neurons we get what is called consciousness. Meaning awareness. Just we are aware of ourselves of the world of the universe. Now, that for most people it makes an intuitive sense that, “Yes, of course, when I wake up in the morning I was asleep and then when I woke up I see the world as it appears to me. Now, I’m conscious, I’m aware.”
Even in science now with a new physics coming in, quantum physics especially, and even in the way we perceive the perceptual science that’s not really what happens in consciousness or the way we experience the world. The way it really happens is that our brain actually makes up a 3D model in our head about the world and how it works and everything, and then that’s what we are experiencing. We do not have direct access to the physical world out there. It is essentially a mental experience that we’re creating.
Debi: It’s so mind-blowing. Quantum physics talks about that. We didn’t know that maybe 100 years ago. The ancients knew it. That’s where we’re seeing that science moving back into the spiritual realm.
Dr. Rob: Yes. If we look at the East they’ve always presented– there are different philosophies but in general, this idea that everything is consciousness. Meaning that they understood this principle that we are dealing with essentially within a mental experience of the world. A world that’s created in consciousness and they’ve gone with that for, especially Vedanta, for many years and centuries and thousands of years now that it is a conscious universe that we’re dealing with.
These two worldviews are really what’s shaping the way science and religion or faith has been playing out especially in recent years.
Debi: Dual or non-dual. Those two realities. That’s really a good basis for what is your path. Do you believe in a dual reality where you’re the separate being, separate from God, separate from the external world the Law of Attraction? Kind of, “I’m going to hold of vision and my vibration is going to go out and pull someone or something in,” or do you believe in the non-dual which is that you are consciousness. That what you’re experiencing is your own mind.
This is what Eastern philosophy has discovered and science has discovered so it almost makes sense to start thinking about would that be a better experience for me and more empowering for me? What we know is, and where I got lost for a long time, and I still sometimes forget that I’m one with everything, that the world it does feel separate. We have to keep reminding ourselves that it’s not. There is a lot of books, and psychologies, and new age stuff, and scientific ideas that are in contrast to that and they see everything dual- in dualistic terms.
You have to ask yourself which side am I on? Am I on the dual side or the non-dual side? Then you could start looking at paths that match that. What you’ll notice is once you pick a path and this is something that I’ve noticed for myself is that when I picked- when I started being really clear on what I believed that I believed in oneness I believe that consciousness arises from me, that there isn’t a separate independent reality that is influencing me that I maybe I’m not conscious of it but I still have access to it. That is empowering to me.
When I read other books or I see other philosophies I can again prune away and say nope this I don’t have to get distracted with this. This book looks distracting to me away from my core view. That’s what’s missing in a lot of– I don’t think people talk about this and that’s why people are so confused. I talk to people all the time and they’re like, “I’ve done know 20 courses and I’m still confused and I don’t know what to believe.”
We ask them well, “What do you believe?” and they don’t know. That is the most important question you can ask yourself on your spiritual path is, “What is it that I believe about reality and what makes up my reality and where is my power in creating it?”
Dr. Rob: Yes. When we say believe it’s not in the traditional sense because there is an interview on YouTube now, one of the last interviews Carl Jung gave where they ask him, “You’ve been studying spirituality for all these years. Do you believe in God?” They asked him directly and he says, “No, I don’t believe, I know.” We’re talking about a direct experience of these spiritual matters. Not a belief in the traditional sense that the church or synagogue or the temple gave you a set of beliefs and that’s what you were going to go by but more of a way of seeking and finding your own spiritual path, and having a direct experience of that reality.
Debi: The best way to do that is to keep asking questions, to have a mentor or a guide that’s going to help you. Ask those tough questions that has the same philosophy as you and look out for people that are just fancy objects. They have fancy names, maybe fancy videos, fancy marketing but they’re really contradicting themselves on their views. If they’re confused about what their worldview they’re not going to be able to how you decide.
Be really clear and that’s what’s going to really make big changes in your life. You’ll go from that seeking which is really important. In The Life of Pi, he was seeking, he was in India and he was trying all these different religions but he had an experience out on the water of what life was about and that’s part of the process. If you’re seeking you’re on the right path as long as you’re asking those questions.
When you find and you make a decision that this is what I want. I’m a dualistic philosophy or I’m a oneness philosophy, non-dual, then you’re going to see huge changes and it’s going to basically clear the clutter in your mind of, “Does this work for me? Should I try this technique? Should I follow this teacher? Should I buy this book?” It’s all going to make a lot more sense to you. That’s why we wanted to have this class because it really is so important if it all starts here with your worldview and your spiritual philosophy.
Dr. Rob: Absolutely.
Debi: What a great show. If you have any questions about this, any contradictions to what you’ve learned and want to test it out visit us on our Facebook group. It’s Debi and Dr. Rob show. Just search for us in Facebook and you’ll see us, you’ll join our group. Feel free to ask us questions, tell us what other topics you’d like us to speak about and find out more about us at www.debianddrrob.com. We have events coming up 2019. We also have some really great programs that you might be interested in as well. If you’re ready to do join the oneness bandwagon.
Dr. Rob: [laughs] The non-dualistic–
Debi: The non-dualistic bandwagon.
Dr. Rob: Thanks for tuning in and we hope to see on Facebook.
Debi: Take care, everyone. Thanks for coming.
If you are a business owner or entrepreneur or even jockeying for your next promotion, you know the value of mastering sales. Unfortunately, many of the sales training systems available are developed by men and do not naturally fit a woman’s style. In this episode, Rob interviews Debi about her experience in sales and how …
Developed by Robert Maldonado, Ph.D., Jungian Coaching is a psychology-based coaching system that is based on Jungian Psychology and Eastern Wisdom. Basic life coach training will help build up your ego and give you action steps toward your goals but Jungian Life Coaching is much more profound which leads you to become your true self. …
Have you ever felt that your lack of confidence stops you from getting what you want in life? Have you been labeled with “low self-esteem” or being needy and want to fix that part of yourself. Listen to this quick video by Debi Berndt Maldonado where she explains the truth about confidence and how you can have it right now without having to fix yourself.
That’s really interesting when I talk about– When I first started in my personal development journey, I was labeled having low self-esteem. I was trying to diagnose, what was wrong with me, why did I feel so unhappy with my life? Why couldn’t I find relationships? Why didn’t I have the career I wanted? Why did I have the bosses I had? It all came down to, “You have low self-esteem.” For most of my young adult life, I was really trying to build up my self-esteem, and a lot of personal development is about building confidence.
Here’s the thing, most people think that making an ego and making your personality more confident and appealing to people is the key, but what we’re really doing is putting on a mask. We’re not really feeling confident inside, we’re acting confident. That whole idea of the imposter syndrome, that’s where it really comes from, because we feel like we can’t be ourselves, we can’t be vulnerable, we have to put on this confident air in order to get the things we want in life. I think it puts too much pressure on people to be this perfection. What I’ve discovered is true confidence is having confidence in your higher self to guide you.
That you can be a complete wreck around people who love you, you can be insecure, you can be needy, you could be emotional and feel low self-esteem and people will still love you and know that that’s not all of who you are. It’s about embracing that low self-esteem, embracing those little insecure parts of ourselves that really give us true confidence. Really it’s the hardest thing to do, most people– It’s really scary we’re not taught or conditioned to be so revealing about ourselves. I found that even around you when we were first starting to date, when I was really honest and vulnerable and scared, you had told me once, “I really feel closer to you now.”
I think that’s the key is that people could smell when you are hiding your insecurity. What’s most endearing is that when you’re open and yourself and that makes people want to be close to you. True confidence is loving all parts of yourself, it’s loving the parts that you’re really good and your strengths, and also loving all the things that aren’t so pleasing sometimes, that if you love all those parts of yourself, you’ll find that you’ll surround yourself with people who love all those parts too. It makes you feel more relaxed in life and the pressure’s off.
That’s my take on true confidence. When you think about the higher self, it can never be harmed, it can never be insecure, it can never be wounded. The only thing that feels that way is the ego. If we transcend it and access that wonderful part of our minds that’s divine and express the divine woman, we never have to worry about those insecure times because we know that’s not really what defines us.
Debi and Dr. Rob answer your questions about individuation, Jungian psychology and eastern philosophy. In this segment, we answer the question, “How to Start Living as Your Higher Self”. Learn this easy exercise that you can do every day. TRANSCRIPT: Voice-over: You can create the life that you love. Carl Jung says that until you …