Mark Twain once said, ““I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” Most people, when they are trying to change their life, are dealing with phantom problems rather than real ones. A phantom problem is a worry or concern that hasn’t come to fruition yet but you are acting like it is already a problem.
One of the biggest examples for phantom problems is the one about “being alone for the rest of your life.” If you are single and not wanting to be, you are very familiar with this issue. In fact, all of your actions, feelings and thoughts are based on believing this is already true.
If you feel like this problem is a reality, you will bring fear to every date, every personal development program that helps you with love and every day of your life when you wake up single. Many single people live as though they are NEVER going to find someone and be alone forever.
Sure, you can argue that past experiences have contributed to this assumption. You have been single for X amount of years, you have tried everything from self-help to matchmakers and you keep failing at relationships. Here is the drawback from thinking this way – things won’t change in your life if you approach everything you do as if it is a failed attempt from the start.
I was dealing with this phantom problem for almost two decades. Every morning I woke up with this problem and it got in the way of me fully engaging in life. I was waiting for “my man” to show up so I could finally begin to live. So much of my single years were wasted crying over the fact that I would be alone forever.
I look back now at all the amazing experiences I had when I was single. I met famous people in the entertainment industry, got to go backstage at concerts and be a VIP, worked in interesting industries, bought homes, made new friends, moved to new cities, and had girls’ weekends that were pretty spectacular. I couldn’t enjoy it 100%, though, because in the back of my mind my phantom problem was there.
I wish so many times I could go back and get a do-over so I can fully enjoy my single time and tell younger Debi that everything’s going to work out. So, since I can’t tell her, I want to tell you….
Everything is going to work out!
Instead of wasting your time worrying about the worse case scenario, you may find it more uplifting to focus on the best-case scenario. Having a deep trust that your higher self wants you to have love more than you do, can give you peace of mind that there is a powerful force that has your back.
Use this desire for great love to push you beyond your comfort zone. Take more risks in relationships and stop worrying so much about what the other person thinks of you and be true to yourself. You will find a better match for you that way than faking your way through dating.
If you still have a bit of fear around your phantom problem then use the fear to take action and become courageous on your quest for love. Make a commitment to yourself that you don’t want to be single anymore and trust that it is worth moving through uncomfortable emotions and situations that you have been avoiding to get the love you want to experience right now.
Make the phantom problem disappear along with the boogie man.