The most important quality of a successful entrepreneur is her ability to deal with failure. Debra shares her lessons and growth from failures and how they shaped her life. You will learn the following:
- Why making big goals are the key to becoming your true self
- How to use every obstacle as a way to stretch yourself and transform your life
- The benefits of stepping out of your comfort zone and how to keep moving in times of uncertainty
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Welcome to Creative Mind Soul Sessions with Debra Berndt Maldonado and Dr. Rob Maldonado, founders of creative mind. Explore personal growth with us through Jungian psychology, Eastern spirituality, and social neuroscience in a deep, but practical way. Let’s begin.
Robert Maldonado 00:23
Welcome back. We’re back with this soul sessions series on Debra’s entrepreneur adventures.
Debra Maldonado 00:32
My adventures. Yes, we’re— we hope you enjoyed the dream challenge and enjoying our series on entrepreneurship. Hopefully, it inspires you to take the next step. We do have an open enrollment right now for life coach training, so make sure you find out about that. And I’m going to talk about what it takes to be successful life coach as an entrepreneur.
Robert Maldonado 00:54
Yeah, in this series we’ve been talking about your own personal journey, and becoming an entrepreneur, what it takes to be a success in the industry. And in general, what it takes to— what’s the psychology, what’s going on in entrepreneurship, what’s the difference between somebody that’s happy working for a company, and somebody that just has to become an entrepreneur.
Debra Maldonado 01:22
And the third is how to be happy as an entrepreneur. Because a lot of people, you know, they struggle with when they start their business, or they’re hesitating. And that’s what I want to talk about today is how you can work through those obstacles within your mind and your own resistance, to really have the success that you are meant to have. And anything is possible. And if I can do it, you can do it.
Robert Maldonado 01:47
And I’m here to hopefully get a little bit more insight from her own experience that may help you if you’re thinking about becoming an entrepreneur, a coach, or if you already are an entrepreneur and/or a coach. And you’re wondering, how can I be successful? How can I make this work for me? Yeah. All right. So let’s get into it. Where have we been? Let’s see, we talked a little bit about your personal experience of getting laid off and kind of ending up homeless and all that. And then going to hypnotherapy school. But you went to hypnotherapy school in Santa Fe.
Debra Maldonado 02:32
Yes. I love Santa Fe.
Robert Maldonado 02:33
Which is really one of my favorite cities also in the US. It’s so mystical and beautiful.
Debra Maldonado 02:38
I felt like it was a real transformational place. It’s like I was reborn there.
Robert Maldonado 02:44
Yeah. And I have a personal story in that. One of my mentors, Dr. Emily Abbott, who’s a Jungian psychologist, when she met you, she was inspired to study hypnotherapy as well.
Debra Maldonado 03:01
Yeah, yeah. Because it really is. There is this overlap with the unconscious. But you know, and I think when I learned hypnotherapy, it was really a more spiritual experience than some other hypnotherapy schools. So it was really good, I got a good introduction. But then when I learned about Jungian psychology, it just kind of took it to the next level, because you’re not working just on the personal level, you’re working on a deeper, deeper level. And I, you know, I learned about Shadow Work, and archetypes, and dream work, and all those other things that I, I didn’t get to learn as a hypnotherapist. And also too, I feel like when I became a coach, I was able to work with people in a longer term process. When I was a hypnotherapist, I only got to like, heal symptoms, you know, people were like “I gotta quit smoking, I got to lose weight, I have to—“, or they were single and they wanted to find love. But they really weren’t into personal development as much as just “fix my brain so I stop going for these jerky guys”, or “fix my brain so I stop smoking or stop eating”. And those things were great. It got me where I am today. I mean, it started off that way. But what I found really fascinating is I’ve worked with thousands of people one on one, it really gave me a good opportunity to get inside people’s minds and understand those patterns that people have. And over time and working with people, I realized that, you know, when I talk to someone, I kind of know instinctively where that pattern is and where they’re going, because I’ve seen so much of it. So my mind has this kind of treasure trove of data that kind of pulls up and I can kind of get to where a client is stuck right away. And so it was a great experience. But then when I became a life coach, I got to work with people in a longer term. So I got to work with them on the process of really growing something, really becoming, you know, working on themselves six months a year, and some of my clients now I worked with for seven or eight years already. And so it’s nice to see someone who doesn’t just want to fix the symptom. They want to actually grow themselves and you see their transformation long term. And I find that very, very rewarding and this kind of work.
Robert Maldonado 05:19
I don’t know if I ever asked you in when you were training as a hypnotherapist, did you undergo hypnotherapy also?
Debra Maldonado 05:27
Oh yes, yes, yes. So I had to do every day, five days a week, we were doing sessions on each other. So my mind was totally stirred up. And yeah, so I’ve had a lot of really incredible experiences and a lot of practice.
Robert Maldonado 05:41
Yeah, there’s a lot of debate in psychology in general about hypnosis in general, it started with Freud. You know, Freud used it for a long time and then abandoned the practice. It is considered, of course, a technique, not so much of an approach to therapy, but a technique.
Debra Maldonado 06:00
Yes, it was. That’s what I felt like people were coming to me for the technique. And I wanted a broader system. And then when I met you, and you told me about Jungian psychology, I thought, well, there’s a bigger picture here. This is like— it was like I was only seeing a tiny piece of the whole puzzle. And so now I see the whole puzzle. And it’s so much easier, I can use visualization and active imagination, which is very similar to what I did in hypnosis is that relaxation of the mind, and meditative practices, and then working with the dreams and the symbols. And, you know, it’s just kind of all comes together, but we’re not talking about hypnotherapy.
Robert Maldonado 06:36
I know, we’ll save that for another podcast. Yeah. It’s fascinating stuff. So yeah, so let’s move on. What is this? You know, throughout my career, I’ve worked with artists, with scientists in different capacities, musicians — very hard workers. You know, the people that are good at those things. They put in the hours, they’re hard workers. Now, what I noticed about you is you work, but I wouldn’t call it hard work. It’s more like intensive focus.
Debra Maldonado 07:15
Robert Maldonado 07:16
Yeah, dedication. That’s a good way to put it. And then when you drop it, you’re off. But when you’re on, it’s like a very intense focus. Can you tell us about that? I mean—
Debra Maldonado 07:29
Yes, actually, I think of a story. When I first started my business I met— a friend of mine introduced me to another friend. Denver’s a very small town. And I met this woman, her name’s Sharon, and she owns a wellness center in Denver. And she’s just an incredible woman, incredible business owner, she started her business when she was like 23, or 24, really young, started her own business, she wanted to be very inspirational. And she had a radio show in Denver that I was on, and we became really good friends. And she had a dinner party with all these women that were, you know, doing their own business, it was so exciting to be a part of that versus my corporate friends, and so all these women were inspirational. And she had given a book to everyone at the dinner party. And she said “This book is how I see you. This is my gift is like what you give to me or what you inspiring me”. And she gave me this book called “Unstoppable”, which I don’t know. I don’t remember reading the book. I know, I’m not plugging the book, because I don’t remember who wrote it or whatever. But I remember that idea of unstoppable. And that’s really kind of, I would say, the theme I had was— that nothing’s going to stop me. You know, I think it takes— you have to be unstoppable when you start out. When you first start out your business, I always tell my clients, it’s like a baby, you have this newborn baby, you have to take care of it, you have to feed it, you have to nurture it, it can’t walk on its own yet, it can’t feed on its own. And so many people have this delusion that “I’m going to start a business, I’m going to put a website up and then the cash is just going to flow in”, you know, kind of like they had when I first started this program called The Internet Cash Machine. What? And this idea that it’s going to be so easy and you know, Gary Vee talks about this delusion that you don’t have to work hard, your money’s just gonna come like a Vegas lottery. And I think it does a disservice to people who are dedicated and are working hard and then putting the hard, you know, kind of dedication into their business and thinking they’re doing it wrong because it’s tough in the beginning, because you have to feed the baby. Eventually, the baby will walk and crawl and do things on its own. And then another thing about being unstoppable is willing to make mistakes. And I find that a lot of people— I mean, I coached a lot of people over the years, and I find the people that are willing to just try things and put themselves out there and be, you know, they might not have a clear plan yet, but they’re kind of trying things out. They’re at least trying and in the game. And then there’s the people that are planning, planning, planning, planning, they’re looking for this perfect plan, that when I get my plan straight, and I have the perfect brand, and I look good on camera, and I’m going to be, you know, then I can start, you know, I’m not prepared, right. And especially with coaches, a lot of the coaches, that when they first start out, they think, well, I don’t know, if I can help someone, you know, I don’t know—
Robert Maldonado 10:33
I need some more training.
Debra Maldonado 10:34
I need some more training, or I need to, I need to practice more, you know, I can’t charge yet. And what I tell people, and I think this is the most important, if you’re a life coach, just go out there and coach people, that’s how you get better, you get better through experience. Of course, you have to get training, you have to, of course, we believe in good training, number one. But after you get your good training and really good training, you need to coach people, you need to get in the game. And if you try to be perfect, you are going to— or feel like you don’t have it all together, you’re always going to be waiting. And I think I see this happen with people who are in the corporate world. And they’re dabbling with, you know, kind of, they’re hobbyists doing this kind of little thing on the side, they feel like they’re not ready, they’re not ready, they’re not ready. Or people that have started. And then they’re just kind of frozen, and they’re just like waiting for, you know, some miracle to happen. And no coach is going to do it for you, no coach is going to give you the right plan, that perfect plan. It’s like your willingness to just fail really greatly all the time and be willing to get up again and do it again. And when I say failure, it’s not big things. But I think you really need to build up that muscle of that go-to attitude and the can-do attitude. I’m just going to keep trying and I just had a sense of humor about things. I think that unstoppableness, I think the key is that you just got to get going. Try it. And through those mistakes, you’re going to be fine. I remember when I first had the book, my Let Love In book, I was pitching, I was trying to get a book deal. And I had to get on media to prove that I had a platform and all those things. And I was working with a coach. And that’s important to have a coach because you’re not going to do it without anyone helping you push through those hard times. She said “Send this press release out”, like I said “I’m going to send a press release to the TV stations about you know, this thing I wanted to do called ‘Get Hypnotized to Be Your Bestie’”. And it was Friday, and she’s like “Did you send the press release yet?” And I said “No, it has to be done on Tuesday, it has to be perfect.” I sent it, three stations called me within 24 hours. It’s just that willingness to just keep trying things, putting yourself out there and not being afraid to make a mistake, because no one’s watching. The only one that’s watching is you.
Robert Maldonado 13:10
Well, yeah, we’re our harshest critic. And then that perfectionism, I’ve seen a lot that people are waiting for some kind of perfect moment, you know, or the artists that say “I’m not inspired, so I can’t work right now.” But the people that are successful, they work just kind of on a routine basis, even if they’re not inspired. They’re going to put in the hours and the effort and do what they have to do.
Debra Maldonado 13:40
Well, even as an artist yourself. But in writing, I know that when they say — if you have writer’s block, they say, just start writing anything. And then just write, you know, anything and it just kind of moves you. And it’s the same thing with a business — you have to write, you know, just go and try it. It’s like moving the momentum forward. But not in a desperate way, not in a desperate way but in a passionate way. And so that’s the second point. It’s really unstoppableness but you have to be— it has to be backed with a purpose.
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Robert Maldonado 15:02
Right, but before we move on to the purpose, tell me more about the mistakes because that’s what stops people, they start off, you know, enthusiastic in their new endeavor. And the first failure, the first mistake, the first day or whatever happens, they get discouraged, they quit, or they feel like, this is impossible. How do you handle that? How do you handle those big kind of let downs?
Debra Maldonado 15:32
Um, I think the— it’s like, you have to know where you’re at, and then know that you are going to— like, almost like an expectation that you don’t have all the answers, that you aren’t at that place where you know it all. And you shouldn’t assume that and just be more compassionate towards yourself. You know, there’s many times I put videos on YouTube, where people were, you know, saying, you said this, you know, like to say something offensive. For instance, I used to always say, I met Rob at 41. And, you know, I waited my whole life to meet my partner, and then all these women that were over 40 said to me, you know, “You’re acting like 41 is old, and I’m 50. So you’re making me feel old”, right? So that’s—so I adjusted and I didn’t realize that that was something that was offensive, or not sensitive, and we just go on, we just move on. Of course, you’re not going to bend for everyone in every criticism. But it’s always good feedback, it’s always good to be able to hear feedback and listen to people and see “Well, that makes a lot of sense.” And no harm no foul, and just move on. Don’t obsess about it “I’m a terrible person and I’m never going to be good at it.” And I’ve taken a lot of criticism. I’ve had people, you know, talk about, you know, videos, I put up on YouTube, mostly, and emails. We’ve got people that say I charge too much or people that say “You’re not helping this type of audience or your pictures” or, you know, there’s always something, always someone that’s going to try to tear you down. And I see them as reflections of our own self doubt, that gets reflected out externally. So we’re always going to have a little self doubt, and it’s going to show up out there. And when it does, when we get that criticism, it’s a chance for us to work with our own self doubt, not to feel bad and get discouraged.
Robert Maldonado 17:38
Yeah, in psychology, they talk about this quality of a personality. They say, if an entrepreneur has self efficacy, meaning they believe they can accomplish their goal, deep down inside, not so much from external encouragement, or, you know, they’re not waiting for the world to show them that they can do it, they kind of feel that they can do this, and that it’s worth doing. So that self efficacy then takes us to this purpose, right? Because if you do have a bigger purpose than making money, or just, you know, getting to—
Debra Maldonado 18:19
Replace your day job, right?
Robert Maldonado 18:21
Yeah, to replace your day job, then that’s going to allow you to get up every time you fall a lot better, right, you’re gonna have that bigger purpose to drive you.
Debra Maldonado 18:32
Yes, when I first started, I didn’t really care about being a millionaire or—, I wanted to— I had something— I knew all the work I’ve done on myself, or the self improvement I’ve done, the challenges I’ve had, and I wanted to help others feel better. I knew that there was wisdom of other people that have given to me, like big authors. You know, the famous authors that you read their books, and you feel so much better. And I always thought they helped me, and I have some knowledge and got some training, and I can help other people. And I went like— for me, I knew how it felt to be discouraged, and sad, and insecure, and all those things that we all deal with, even though we don’t want to admit it. And if I could help other people feel better, that would be really cool. And because I knew how I felt when other people helped me. And so when I thought of writing my book, I thought of doing this work, all my heart was so into it. And I remember one time, my very first— so many people think I just— overnight success. No. My very first teleseminar I did — they were called teleseminars back in the day, there was no video like this. We called in the phone line. There wasn’t Facebook or any kind of social media really. It was MySpace. And I did my very first teleseminar. And there were two people on the line. And here I am watching all these, like, big internet marketing people having thousands of people on the line, and I have like two people. But I did the seminar, I taught with my heart. And the next day, I felt kind of bad, only two people showed up. The next day, I got an email from a woman that said “I just want you to know that I really got that you really care. And I feel so glad I listened to your program. And I was very, you know, I was very happy with what you said, and it really inspired me, but the main thing is that you really cared.” And for me, it’s like, okay, so there’s two people out there, those two people matter. You know, if you’re talking to one person, I thought, if I could change one person’s life, or help someone feel better, then my work is done. And so it’s having that sense of purpose, that it’s not about getting big numbers and making billions of dollars, it’s about putting one foot in front of the other, and putting your heart into what you do.
Robert Maldonado 21:05
Yeah, I remember listening to this guy who was talking about story brand. A story, the brand that the company or the individuals create, it’s not the story of the individual or the entrepreneur, it’s the customer story, or the client story. And so it’s that caring for your clients. And of course, there’s spiritual elements in that, we know, really happy and successful people care for their clients, they care about making the world a better place. So I know we talked a little bit about purpose last time, and that it’s not a particular activity that you do, it’s not a profession, it’s not a job, it has to do something, kind of more internal—
Debra Maldonado 21:59
It’s sort of who you are versus what you do.
Robert Maldonado 22:02
Yes, that’s a good way to put it.
Debra Maldonado 22:03
So if you’re born an artist, whether you do art or not do art. You’re born a writer, whether you write or not, it’s something of who you are, like who you uniquely are. Now we have a spiritual self, that’s unlimited. And then we have the biological part of ourselves that is conditioned and has talents and has this— well, that’s why we’re all so different. On a personal level. And for me, there were certain things that I wanted to express, I love to write, I love to— I think I have a great imagination that comes natural for me, helps me create beautiful visualizations. And so I get to use all the things I love to do as a profession, as a coach, but who I am is someone who loves psychology, loves spiritual work, loves personal development, and loves to teach it. That’s who I am. And so I’m not saying “I’m gonna do personal development, so I can make a lot of money.” I’m doing it, this is who I am, this is my expression. And so— and then, you know, we’ll get to the third part of why it’s successful. The purpose itself doesn’t make you successful, but the purpose is going to make you happy and fulfilled. And I really underscore this, because some people want to be entrepreneurs because they want to quit their day job, and they just want another job. And that is not going to make you happy, just working from home and being your own boss, you have to have that sense of “I would do this if I had a billion dollars in the bank.” Actually, I talked to one of my clients this week. And I said “What’s so different about you? You’re so successful. What do you think makes you stand out? What makes you keep going?” She was a lot like me, she’s trying things, doing, making things happen. And she said “I think because I — this is my purpose, and I love what I do. And if I had a billion dollars in the bank, I would still do this.” And that is the answer. That’s the answer — you were born for this, and you have to do it, you must do it. And that I think it doesn’t, like you said, it doesn’t feel like work, like you never feel like I’m working. Because I’m doing what I love.
Robert Maldonado 24:18
Yeah. So what about those people that say “I don’t know what my purpose is. How do I find my purpose?” All those questions.
Debra Maldonado 24:24
Well, I think it comes down to what you do most natural, what’s most natural for you? I think we start with that. What are your natural inserts?
Robert Maldonado 24:32
Right, is it a journey to get there?
Debra Maldonado 24:35
Well, I think sometimes that what I’ve noticed in the corporate women that we work with — a lot of them go into these left brain masculine type of positions, and they’re not happy, and they’ve suppressed maybe their early life creativity, arts, music. And what we’re doing is this process of individuation that we teach, this other creative part comes out. Like one of our clients a couple of years ago wrote a book on poetry and she got it published. But she’s in a very, very, you know, left brain, corporate job. And so we’re bringing out these other aspects of us, as sometimes we don’t even know what’s inside of us, because it’s been conditioned or suppressed from early life, and it’s in our shadow. And that’s why Shadow Work is really important. I think, if you want to know your purpose, you have to do your shadow work, because your shadow work will help you understand who you are. And what the shadow is, is basically, those of you who don’t know, early in life, we’re conditioned to put on a persona that fits into society, based on our family, and our culture, and our environment. And then the things that were not acceptable, we put in the shadow, which is in the unconscious, and they get suppressed, they’re not able to see the light of day in our life. And through working with the shadow, we start to discover the unlived self, which is what we’re all searching for — is that unlived self, that part of us. The reason why we feel so unhappy with our lives isn’t because we’re just having a bad job, or because we’re struggling with money, it’s because there’s other part of us feeling — is not being expressed. And that’s really how we find our purpose is discovering who we are.
Robert Maldonado 26:16
Yeah, and the statistics are— they’re not sunny, because they show most workers are unhappy in what they’re doing, meaning they haven’t found that purpose, which, you know, based on a conversation means they haven’t really done their Shadow Work or, in simple terms, they haven’t discovered who they are. What’s the best way to do that kind of work? I mean, like, if you had to, you know, put it in simple, everyday terms, beyond the psychology, beyond the shadow stuff. What happens? I mean, how does a person working or a single mother, for example, somebody that’s busy in their lives — how do they find the time, how did they do that? How do they find their passion and their purpose?
Debra Maldonado 27:21
That’s a great question. I think, well, first, again, we have to examine who we think we are and our identity. And I think when you can — meditate and just ask the question “Who am I?” And then I will also, I think, notice what you’re drawn to, what you’ve— every day, what you feel, there’s this kind of a secret wish that you have, that you don’t share with anyone, that you wish you could do, but you don’t think it’s possible. I think I’ve always had that, I’ve always had that sort of, like, it’s like a knock at the door inside, like, wake up, that sort of push, and we some— initially the pushes, you don’t know what it is, you just know that you’re on the wrong track. And we all know that we all have a sense that I’m not meant to be doing this, I’m meant to be doing something else. And then you just start with this, you know, I love this story you talk about — about the princess in the tower, it’s like you start with a string. I don’t want to tell the whole story. But there’s kind of this— everything starts with a little thread. And then it becomes a string, and then it becomes a rope. It’s that you just start pulling out those little strings, you’re not going to get a big realization in one day. But you start pulling on those strings, asking who you are. And stop assuming that everything’s fixed in your life, that nothing can change. And that identity that you have learned to see as yourself is not all who you are and start to look within to do that. Yeah, I mean, I have to say Shadow Work is the way to do it. But one of the ways is to see who triggers you. And I say, who triggers you in a good way? Who do you admire in a good way? Who do you say, I wish I can be like her? For me, when I was younger, in my 20s and 30s, I loved Marianne Williamson. I used to watch her and Oprah. And I would be thinking, I had her tapes, in the 80s the cassette tapes we’ve had, and I would just be so— admire her and I think that’s where I got the seed of “Oh, I really like this.” So there’s someone in your life or someone that you know, someone that may be famous that you admire, maybe even someone in your family or someone that you see. Some people are called to be politicians. Some people are called to be musicians. And you think “Well, I really admire that person.” Maybe that’s where you start.
Robert Maldonado 29:58
Yeah, in art they say, choose your influences carefully. And the psychology of course, people kind of gravitate towards different schools of thought. And then they have those role models that have kind of established the philosophies and the theories before them.
Debra Maldonado 30:18
They light the way for you, they’re lighting the way, and if they— you can create, you can be anyone, anyone who expresses something, and has something now is in you, because we’re connected to everything. And then beyond that, you can also create something even better. So even just looking at what’s out in your life right now, who you admire, you have the same stuff that person has. And if you’re willing to be dedicated toward reaching that goal, you can do it. And I, you know, to me thinking I had a book, it was just wow, this is, I was in my— oh and actually another, Catherine Woodward Thomas endorsed my book, and I had read hers when I was single. And to have her endorse my book, it was really cool to have someone you admire, who you followed, actually endorse your work. And so it’s a beautiful thing to see that happen.
Robert Maldonado 31:11
Yeah, absolutely. And now we come to what’s going on in the mind, you know, when as you’re— because I saw your journey from the outside. A lot of the coaches you worked with were not Jungian coaches, or not necessarily doing Shadow Work, although some of them were. Is that spiritual element or the mindset element necessary to be successful, in the right way, meaning to be happy, and have the money and success? Or are there other ways to do it?
Debra Maldonado 31:54
I think it’s 100% mindset. And some people may disagree, I think I only had one coach that actually believed it was 100% mindset. Everyone else is like “Oh, it’s like 60%.” It really is 100% mindset. Now, of course, you have to have a plan and strategy, and team and all those things that you need. But if you don’t have the mindset, none of that stuff is going to— you can have the perfect team, you can have a perfect marketing strategy and plan and even have the perfect product. And if your mindset is of “I don’t want success”, or “I’m not good enough for this”, or “I’m afraid to manage all people”—
Robert Maldonado 32:31
Some of those things can be unconscious.
Debra Maldonado 32:33
Absolutely, absolutely. I didn’t know it was unconscious. And I could tell you, for me, and I’ve seen this a lot. And when we’re training our coaches, this comes up a lot, especially for life coaches, and that’s what this really is focused on. And anyone who does service based work. There’s this feeling of — this is for women — we have this big responsibility that we carry. And it’s the burden of responsibility of making sure everyone gets the result. And if you understand personal growth, and you understand life coaching, not everyone’s going to put the same effort into it, you’re gonna have clients that are going to be very dedicated, very focused, very taking their own responsibility for the results. And then you’re going to have others that aren’t, that are going to be resistant and resistant. And the coach can’t control that. But she can be a great coach. I was telling someone this week, it’s like you’re walking, you’re helping the client walk down a dark path. And the coach is holding the light. So the coach is holding the light so the client can see what’s in the way. But she’s not dragging the client, she’s not holding the client on her shoulders and carrying her through. And in the beginning, I felt, especially as a hypnotherapist, I felt I had to magically do something to the client, right, I had to do the magic, and then the client would be successful. And I knew that 80% or 90% of people that came to me in one session to quit smoking, nine out of 10 would quit smoking in one session. I can’t control that other 10% because there were people that would pick up a cigarette right after— they didn’t even take personal responsibility. They thought I was going to do all the work. And they were just going to magically not have any choice in the matter. And then of course, the unconscious part of that person wasn’t ready to quit, you know, they had other things. So I can only do so much. And I think a lot of coaches hesitate to start their coaching business, because they think everyone they work with has to have 100% results. And then if I don’t, I’m gonna let people down and I’m gonna have to, you know, feel guilty about it. And for me that was such a hard thing. And one of my coaches had told me in the beginning that you’re not responsible for your clients’ results, that you are responsible for delivering the service. And they’re co-responsible, like you’re both a team. It’s not like you do all the work for the client. And for me, that was such a huge shift. And then that’s when everything changed for me, is that mindset of— well, my shadow is, I’m the mother type, we talked about the mother and the lover, and there’s different persona types, I was the mother, I wanted to make sure everyone was happy. And it was— after a while I was— I didn’t want to take on too many clients, and I didn’t want to charge too much because I thought, I’m gonna have to please all these people, and it was so much pressure. Yeah. And then actually, when you let go of that need to please, you actually get better results with your clients, because you’re not hooked in with them and attached with them, you can then have this place of power where you’re holding the space for them without getting caught up in their attachment. So I think that shifts a lot.
Robert Maldonado 35:49
So yeah, these days I see a lot of people talk about mindset, but the way they’re talking about it, it’s very academic or very surface.
Debra Maldonado 36:00
Yes, I think positive.
Robert Maldonado 36:02
Yeah, but the way you say, you’re talking about it though, it includes that unconscious element to it. Can you maybe explain a little bit more of how do you define mindset?
Debra Maldonado 36:15
Well, I define mindset is the top part of what we see that’s underneath the unconscious, that is the expression of that. Like we talked about in our training, the pyramid, there’s the mindset, there’s the psychology and the philosophy. So we have to have a philosophy, a spiritual philosophy, which is, for me, understanding the nature of consciousness, like underneath all that, underneath the mindset, is this foundation: is the world flat or is it round? Are we— Is this a material universe where I’m separate and I have to do things out here to make things happen or am I the consciousness that creates? So that’s the bottom is that assumption that you’re coming from, then the psychology is my personal stuff, my need to please, all those things that got in the way of me really taking off in the beginning. And then the mindset is, being able to understand all those lower layers and then be able to direct my mind to create. So that’s why I think a mindset it’s not just think positive and visualize your success, and work really hard. I mean, those things are, you know, part of just being an entrepreneur. But we have to ask ourselves, what are we working with here, and I see so many people discard mindset, because so many other coaches teach mindset is a visualization. And other business coaches are saying, you got to work hard, you got to, you know, have a plan. And there’s that conflict of what it is, and the plan is important. But the mindset, it goes first, the plan is the execution that you have to build the foundation within yourself. And the execution will reflect your mindset. And so for when you work with— we were talking about obstacles and resistance, when something doesn’t work out, when you make a mistake, when you get criticism, you get this plan, you have this big launch and no one buys, and you’re working with those feelings — it’s not “change the plan”. It’s like, first you have to look at what is in my mind, why did my mind create this. And the thing that made me unstoppable — to tie this all together — is not only purpose, but the knowledge of knowing who I am on a deep level, that if I created this, this thing, this failure happened out there, I can create success as well. If I’m responsible for everything, I can create it as well. And going back to responsibility with clients, if a client complains, they don’t have results or they’re, you know, they get everyone complaining. Then what is that about me? What’s that saying about me? And then also don’t get buying into all the praise the client gives you. You’re so great. You’re such a great coach. You changed my life. Thank you. But you did the work. Yeah, I’m just the— I just led the way, you did the work. I think that is really the difference — is understanding the foundation of what you’re operating under. And if you understand that, the purpose falls into place, the unstoppableness falls into place. And you feel happy because you know that you’re in control. And every mistake, every setback, always leads— I always knew over time that every time we had a setback, we would go two steps forward after that if we used it right. And when you’re having that pullback, that ebb that happens, you have to remember — the flow is coming. But you can’t give up in the ebb. It is the time to regain and then you have the flow again. And to remember that there’s always going to be another chance, another opportunity, another flow. Keep going, and that’s what made me unstoppable.
Robert Maldonado 39:56
Yeah, yeah. I think that’s unique because mindset, the way you’re defining it, does have, like that spiritual route, it taps into a deeper philosophy than just think positive, or, you know, go for it.
Debra Maldonado 40:16
Do your vision board. And those things are great. I mean, they work. I’ve had vision boards before I visualized. But I know that what really made the quantum leap for me is doing the Shadow Work and then understand what we teach in our coach training is the eastern spirituality, understanding Vedanta, understanding, Upanishads, understanding the wisdom of the Gita, of non-attachment of dedicating your action to a higher purpose, having joy in the action, that’s what Krishna taught in the Gita is you have to have joy in the action, the fruits are going to be there, whether you like them are positive or negative. But if you don’t even have joy in the action, and you’re only happy half of your life when things work out for you, half of your life is going to be unhappy. And so you can actually control your happiness by just being happy in the action, putting your purpose in the action. And let me ask you, what do you think for you, that made you successful? I know this is about me, but I’d love to hear what was it for you that gave you this? Because you didn’t grow up with, you know, rich parents, and you, you know, you had to make it through college and master’s degree and get your PhD, and that writing your dissertation was tough.
Robert Maldonado 41:35
I mean, there’s so many angles to look at it from. I always look at the books that— they gave me a sense that there were other ways of thinking, besides the way people thought around me, that here were different minds. And they had different visions and different ways of being in the world. One of the first authors I read that really just opened my mind was Hermann Hesse, and Hesse had worked with Jung, with Carl Jung as— in therapy, in essence. And so he learned a lot from Jung and incorporated that into his work. He wrote Steppenwolf of course and Siddhartha, the story of Buddha. So then the Gita, of course, kind of came my way and that always gave me— it was like that beacon of light, always guiding me.
Debra Maldonado 42:40
Yeah, it’s when you understand the nature of reality. And you understand that everything is consciousness, everything is alive. And then you are that consciousness, you are part of that, you are that. And then the world is a reflection of what’s inside of you, that your perception while you’re in a bubble, of your own perception, and then your life is yours. And you’re defining it, you’re writing the story, you’re writing the script, you’re handing it out to people. And to understand that versus feeling this, you’re a separate, bobbing cork on the top of the ocean being swayed by every wave and storm, to know that you are the ocean, I think that knowing is so incredible. And here’s the thing, you can read about it, you can read stories, but I think entrepreneurship and actually going through what we do with the individuation process gives you a direct experience of that philosophy. So there’s a lot of people spewing this knowledge, you know, talking about it, and you know, and then you see them on Facebook, losing their minds, and you’re just like, I thought you believed everything’s consciousness, and now you’re projecting. And so it’s that knowing, and there’s this sense of peace that happens when you know you can change your life. That no matter how tough things get, no matter how impossible your dreams are, that if you have that center within you, you can make it through at all. And I believe that becoming an entrepreneur has given me so much more than just financial success. It has given— it helped me become who I am. It helped me be a full expression of who I am. And it’s an incredible journey. Everyone should do it if they’re ready for it. It’s like the hero’s journey, there are going to be obstacles, it’s not going to be super easy. But the hard part really is dealing with your own mind. It’s not the external obstacles out there. It’s really the minefield of your own mind that you’re dealing with, and your own fears, and if you know that you’re just seeing your own fears, then you can change it. It’s like that person criticizing me — oh, that’s just me and my own self criticism magnified out there. Oh, that person doesn’t like this — oh, that’s me taking responsibility— taking too much responsibility. It’s my guilt. It’s my feelings. I own that. And then you can really change the world, change your own world.
Robert Maldonado 45:17
Yeah, a lot of people are afraid of the risk, of taking the risk. But someone said, it’s riskier not to do anything.
Debra Maldonado 45:25
Robert Maldonado 45:26
Right? Because then you’re risking being unhappy, not being fulfilled, not doing the things that you’re meant to be doing.
Debra Maldonado 45:33
You know, the first part of my journey was to help people find love, because that was my— I was single, when I first started this journey. And then I met you, and I found love, and I wanted to tell everyone about it, and how great— it is possible. So it was a great run. But I think now that my purpose is to inspire women to become entrepreneurs, because I knew that that is really what changed me, not— you didn’t come and rescue me, you were an expression of me coming into myself, you’re not the one who changed me. I had to change to have a different life. And I think a lot of people think just that when the right person shows up, my life will change. But you have to be the change in your own life, you have to know who you are. And the best way to know is just push yourself out of your comfort zone, and try something new, be willing to take that Fool’s Journey and start out as the fool and not knowing, and making mistakes and keep going. And that’s really just the way it— for me, I would never have done it any other way. If I lived the end of my life, and I never ever made this choice to just split off and try this, I think I would have been very disappointed in myself and felt like it was a lost opportunity. And you don’t want your life to be a lost opportunity. It’s right here. And it’s never too late to start.
Robert Maldonado 46:58
Yes. And speaking of opportunities, we’re doing a meditation.
Debra Maldonado 47:03
Yes. Yes, we’re starting in two weeks, we’ll be doing in this group, a meditation challenge. So I think the announcement’s there. Let’s talk about it a little bit. What are we going to do in the meditation challenge?
Robert Maldonado 47:17
Debra Maldonado 47:19
Why do you think we need it?
Robert Maldonado 47:22
You know, the meditation, it’s a technique, it is not spirituality itself. Because you can meditate on robbing a bank or something, you know, the practice itself is not spirituality. But when you combine it with the right philosophy, with the right understanding, with the right mindset, then it becomes a very useful tool for looking inward, for beginning that journey. Like we were talking about that, how do you find your purpose and all that, that’s where it begins, you have to look inward.
Debra Maldonado 47:57
I meditated a lot, many, many years, and I meditated in delusion for many, many years. But then when I started to be silent with myself, that’s when all the things happened. I remember, actually, this is a great meditation story to segue into our challenge , but also complete the content from today is, when we moved to New York, I had to leave my hypnotherapy practice behind. Because I was doing everything in person, and then started coaching online and working virtually. And I basically had to start over. And it was tough, that first couple months, I didn’t know how to get clients and how to use — all my network was taken away to basically start from zero. And I remember sitting, I used to sit— we had this beautiful apartment in the Long Island Sound, and the water was there. And it was like a long window and I’d sit on the floor, and then the window went to the floor. And I was looking at the water and then I would close my eyes and meditate. And this one day, I just was so agitated, and I was like, just, I don’t feel like meditating. I need to work. Like feeling like I need to do something. I can’t just sit here. I said no, I’m just gonna sit here and just be. And I remember just listening to my mind. Just tell me how, why did I move? I’m never gonna make it. I screwed up. And then all of a sudden, I had this thought or this like insight. And it was, I remember how this— I used to worry about finding love. And I found love. And I said, my mind is always looking for something to worry about. And then I was like “Oh, it’s just gonna do this, this isn’t real”. And that’s where I feel meditation can really help a woman who’s starting her coaching business or starting your entrepreneurial journey is you have to really be present to the thinking and not get buy into it. So for me, it was really a big breakthrough. And I think right after that everything started to pick up. But it was— I was so wrapped up in my mind that it was, like, almost overtaking me. And meditation helps you get it, put it in check and put it in the right place.
Robert Maldonado 50:16
Yeah, I see it also as, like, the mind is like an instrument. And meditation is the practice of learning how to play that instrument.
Debra Maldonado 50:27
Robert Maldonado 50:29
How it works, how to get it to do the things that you want it to do.
Debra Maldonado 50:35
Yeah, so it’s a beautiful thing. So we’ll do the meditation challenge. And then also, this week coming up, we have one week left for our early price for the coach training. Our next life coach training, if you love— want to be a life coach, and take the journey with me and Rob to— on this incredible purpose in your life. It starts January 27th. But we have an early special if you sign up, put a $500 deposit down by November 15th. You receive five— a course workshop that we pre-recorded: love one or success one, you get the choice, with all the meditations and all the training — and you also get a 60-minute private session with Robert or I — your choice — to use before or during the training. So these two bonuses are available only through November 15th. We know January’s a little far off. But we want to reward people who are committed and ready to get into the program sooner than later and just start the process. You know, I find that once you commit to something and you put that $500 deposit down, things start to change in your life. It’s almost as if you’ve stepped over that first threshold, right? It’s something shifts in your life. Some people tell me that when they signed up, that’s when they met their partner or something. They got a new job or something happened in their life where things started to shift once they just put the deposit down.
Robert Maldonado 52:07
That’s right. It is because— it’s making that choice, setting that intention into action.
Debra Maldonado 52:13
Committing to your future.
Robert Maldonado 52:16
Debra Maldonado 52:17
Yeah. So we hope you enjoyed today. It was a great topic. Thank you for asking all the questions.
Robert Maldonado 52:20
Thank you for, you know, being our guinea pig in this series.
Debra Maldonado 52:26
Yes, if I can inspire you to just do what you love and know that it’s you. It’s possible, things will work out. If I had so— someone always says like, what would you say to your younger self? And I would say— it’s all going to workout. And even better than you think, better than you dreamed. For me, I had very big dreams. It’s worked out much better. I mean, our relationship, the relationship I wanted was much better than I imagined, the business much better than I imagined. Everything is much better. Yeah. And we still have more to create and more to do, so.
Robert Maldonado 53:04
Yeah. And it’s a great time to be an entrepreneur. If you have ideas or if you just want to explore, you know what’s possible. This is a great opportunity for you to do that. And women are entering the entrepreneurship space a lot more now. The last statistics I read is 40% of new businesses are owned by women.
Debra Maldonado 53:31
Excellent. Yes. So women are on the rise and be a part of it. And then the last of our series is going to be on Friday, of this Soul Session series, because we have a training with our graduates on Saturday. So we can’t do a Soul Session live. But we will be here and we’re going to talk about the rise of entrepreneurship for women, why women need to step into these powerful CEO roles, starting companies, having staff members that are empowered, because it’s not just about you when you become self-employed and have a company, but you get to hire people, you get to lead others and make a difference and inspire other women to do it. So we’re going to talk about that as a general topic of just being a woman in power and rising, and we hope you enjoy it. So that will be next Friday. In the meantime, we’ll see you in the group, make sure you interact with our mentors. If you haven’t had a consult with them, a coaching call with them, they do one free call for anyone who wants to talk to them about their dreams from the dream challenge or they want to kind of work through a shadow. Make sure you reach out to them. Just say, hey, I’d love to do— even just put it in this reply here. I’d love to talk to someone — one of the mentors will reach out to you and you’ll get signed up for a session and it’s sample of the life coaching that we do.
Robert Maldonado 54:59
Stay well and we’ll see you soon.
Debra Maldonado 55:00
Take care. Bye bye.
Thank you for joining us. And don’t forget to subscribe to Creative Mind Soul Sessions. And join us next week as we explore another deep topic where you can consciously create your life with Creative Mind Soul Session. See you next time.